Comedian Jon Glaser Reviews the Best Music Gear

This article appeared in the October issue of VICE magazine. Click HERE to subscribe.

Comedian Jon Glaser loves gear. He loves it so much that this fall, he's launching a new comedy series on truTV—called, appropriately enough, Jon Glaser Loves Gear—that documents his obsession. When we heard, we asked him to review four new pieces of music gear. Here's what he had to say.

House of Martley Chant Sport Portable Speaker

I'll call this portable speaker "A Tale of Two Cities": It wasn't the best of sound, it wasn't the worst of sound. I wasn't sent any instructions, but I figured out how to use it, and it seemed fairly straightforward for a grandpa like myself. I like the size. It has easy-to-use controls, nicely displayed on the top of the speaker. I don't mind the all black, although it's not the most eye-pleasing design, and the raised logo on the speaker was a little garish. I like that it comes with a cute lil' carabiner. Fun! You can hang it on your backpack and play the sound of a cowbell to let bears know you're coming while you're backpacking in Alaska. Too bad dude from Grizzly Man didn't have one of these. Looking it up online, it's a decent price for what you're getting, although one of the features listed says "double pairing with two units for true stereo sound." Huh? As in, "This speaker isn't that good, but if you buy another one, then you'll have the sound you want!"??? It also listed "built-in microphone… for use as a speakerphone," "up to 8 hours of wireless play," and "rechargeable lithium-ion battery," all of which sound good. All in all, it's a fine speaker, perfect for occasions such as sitting at the dining table and listening to music to write a review while arguing with your son about eating another slice of pizza for lunch while he watches college football. That's fine—just don't complain that you're hungry later when you didn't have a good lunch (he did).

Sennheiser Momentum Wireless Headphone

If I were a wasted frat guy d-bag who was reviewing these, I'd punch a hole in the wall of my dorm room and break these amazing headphones when I passed out and smashed my head against my bed. These are extremely pricey, but I would say absolutely worth the money if you either got the fundz or got a mommy or daddy who can get them for you. Personally, I always lean toward spending the money on quality, and these are high quality. First and foremost, they sound amazing. Rich, crisp sound and, most important for me, warm, deep bass. They feel like they are made very well. They're very comfortable. It's a simple, elegant design that I wouldn't be embarrassed wearing on the subway for my commute. They fold easily with a soft, satisfying click, adjust to your head cleanly, and come with a nice case. The pair I was sent to review are brown leather with white (ivory) ear cups, which wouldn't be my first choice of color. But they don't look bad, and going online, I see they also come in all black, which looks pretty sweet. I personally don't mind a cable (which they come with), so maybe I wouldn't spend the money for Bluetooth headphones. And the Bluetooth also freaks me out since they're on my head. I also couldn't figure out how to connect these to my computer. I only used them with my iPhone. But I'm guessing that's just me being a grandpa who can't figure out something simple. Bottom line, these things rule and are too cool for fool school.

Roland JU-O6 Sound Module and K-25M Keyboard Unit

I don't play piano or keyboards and have no idea how these things work. The sound module looks cool as hell and must be fun as hell to play with. And one of the editors at the show I'm making right now is a member of Bear in Heaven and creamed his jeans when he saw these. He also showed me how the two pieces click together, which was really cool. That's all I have to say about this one.

Roland VT-3 Voice Transformer

Hopefully I am right when I assume that this beauty was sent to me to review because I can use it to make the scrambled voice from Delocated, in which I play someone in the witness protection program who's always wearing a ski mask and talking in a scrambled voice. Unfortunately, my mini amp is in storage (I know, lame), and I wasn't able to try it out and go on the balcony of my building and scream out to the neighborhood as "Jon." I would have loved to have put on my ski mask and shouted "WELCOME TO THE BONE ZONE" over and over and over again until the cops were called. Based on the brand and the design, I'm going to guess this thing is great. I love the shape, size, weight, and design of the unit itself. The kelly-green trim on the black looks great. I love the click at the halfway point of all the levers, as well as the soft click of the main-control button. There's a button that says "ROBOT," which can only mean good times. Obviously, there should be a button on all vocal transformers that simply say "JON FROM DELOCATED." I looked it up online and thoroughly enjoyed a German guy's video about it. At least I think he's German. Oh, it also came in a pretty cool-looking box. If I were the wasted frat guy d-bag reviewing this, I'd say, "Nice package," followed by "That's what she said," followed by projectile vomiting all over the unit, followed by passing out and breaking my dick because I was also jacking off to hockey-fight videos online while I was reviewing it.

This article appeared in the October issue of VICE magazine. Click HERE to subscribe.