Kara-not-ok

INTERVIEWS BY BRIONY WRIGHT, PHOTOS BY NATALIE NIKITOVIC

Karaoke rooms are like pressure cookers for bad behavior. Evidently, something about being locked in a confined space with a bunch of overpriced alcohol and a machine that amplifies your warbling brings out the worst in people. I know this because over the past six or so years I’ve been a frequent offender. I’ve snuck cheap booze into private rooms, lit up joints and cigarettes (and put them out on the carpet), snorted lines off the song list, smoked DMT under the table, danced on the furniture with my shoes on, written on the walls, mistreated the electronic equipment, and stolen anything that wasn’t screwed down. I’ve done all of these things with an inexplicable feeling of entitlement, rarely sparing a thought for the employees and managers who’ve silently cleaned up my friend’s vomit before replacing the microphones, tambourines, posters, and vases that I’ve taken home. The rancid cherry on top of this curdled sundae for our accommodating hosts must involve having to endure hundreds of retarded renditions of terrible songs each and every weekend.

In short, thanks to drunken assholes such as myself, working in a karaoke joint must be one of the worst jobs on the planet. We asked some of the people behind our favorite establishments here in Melbourne, Australia, about how they deal with their lot and found out whether the job has made them hate music, and people, forever.

HELEN, SHANGHAI CLUB

Vice: Hi Helen. How long have you been working here?

Helen:

I started this place in 1989, just over 20 years ago, and it was the very first karaoke bar in Melbourne. I’ve been working here full time since then. I’m part of the furniture. We had our 20th birthday last year and it was pretty crazy.

Wow, that’s a long time. You must really be sick of the sound of people singing.

Not really, actually. I can’t sing myself, so I can’t judge. And all the rooms are soundproofed, so it’s OK. As long as people are having fun, that’s what counts.

That’s so gracious of you. What kind of people tend to make up your customer base?

We get all sorts, but there are always lots of hen’s nights. They come in and generally bring along their own male stripper. The rooms are all enclosed so we let them do whatever they like in there, really.

What do people tend to sing?

For the first ten years we had mostly Asian people—a lot of them were Cantonese and Mandarin—but now we have a mixture of Australian, Japanese, and Korean. It’s much more varied, so our song list reflects that. I think that Aussies have really got into karaoke in the last few years, which is interesting. There are quite a lot of good singers. They get some alcohol in their bodies and they are all singing and dancing.

You must have seen a lot of crazy stuff working here for 20 years.

Yes, a lot of crazy.

Has the smoking ban affected your business?

Karaoke was really affected by the anti-smoking laws. People liked to be able to smoke and drink while they sang, and they used to be able to. When people weren’t allowed to smoke anymore, numbers dropped off a bit. You do get karaoke bars that let people smoke illegally, but they risk losing their license.

So it sounds like you actually enjoy doing this. What’s one annoying aspect of your job?

It’s pretty annoying when people steal the microphones, but they usually return them the next day because they feel guilty.

What do you listen to when you go home at night?

Nothing! I turn everything off and make it peaceful. I don’t need music after my day.

MATT, CHI LOUNGE

Vice: How long has Chi Lounge been operating?

Matt:

It’s coming up on two years now. It used to be called CC’s, and that was also a karaoke bar. But I have a feeling that they had illegal gambling going on upstairs. Not anymore, though.

Not on your watch. What do you think encouraged the surge of interest in karaoke among Westerners?

As far as I know, karaoke is only about ten years old. I imagine it’s so popular because we have such a large Asian demographic in Australia. They originally introduced it to us.

Is there a difference in how each culture approaches karaoke?

Yeah, absolutely. It’s really interesting. The Asian guys will order a couple of bottles of booze, get some mixers and food, and then lock themselves in the room for the entire night. Westerners will just go to the bar and order as they go along. I think it has to do with Asians being more conscious of getting value for money and keeping track of what they’re spending. I’ve often seen them play drinking games before they start singing too. The problem is that we can’t monitor how drunk they’re getting because they don’t leave their rooms.

Right.

Other times you’ll have four guys who’ll buy a bottle or two and then lock themselves in a room and sing to each other. It can get quite strange.

Do you think people tend to get more drunk doing karaoke than they would at a regular bar?

Not necessarily, but everyone comes ready to get their drink on, and karaoke is definitely better with some liquid confidence.

How bad can the singing get?

People don’t really sing to sound good. It’s not really about that. But I try to spend as little time as possible around the rooms. I think you develop a wall. You need to.

How do you deal with people dancing on the furniture?

It’s inevitable. As long as we get the room back pretty much how I gave it to them, they can do what they like.

Are there particular songs or artists that always pop up?

That first Britney song, “Oops!… I Did It Again,” and a lot of AC/DC too.

And you’ve seen some real degradation here, right?

Of course. We’ve had a lot of people vomiting in the rooms and a couple of instances where guys have passed out and wet themselves, which is just awkward because the bouncers have to carry them outside. We’ve also seen a couple of orgies. We don’t hide the security cameras in the rooms, but people seem oblivious to them.

Do you have to put a stop that kind of thing?

Well, yeah, ideally before it gets messy. We’ve had a fair share of fights, and sometimes the rooms are left in a hideous mess. A few weeks ago some people came in on a Thursday night looking to spend a couple of hundred dollars, but after breaking the TV their bill was $1,900. That’s an expensive night of singing.

That must really hurt.

Just before Christmas something like six karaoke joints were raided and closed down due to the serving of alcohol to the underaged and smoking and the like. Most places have systems set up whereby the lights come on and a siren goes off so people have a bit of warning.

Has doing this made you like music less?

Not really. It tends to be all pop songs here and I don’t listen to that in my own time. Right now I’m listening to Broken Bells, Otis Rush, and Z-Trip.

JAMES, MELBOURNE KARAOKE LOUNGE

Vice: How long have you been here, James?

James:

I’ve been running this place for one year.

Your place is a bit different in that it’s one main room where strangers and friends sing in front of everybody. How many people can you fit in here on a busy night?

About 200. We have a buffet and a bar and karaoke.

It must turn into quite the party.

Well, not really. Maybe I need to try to sell the business more, because it’s hard to run these days. It’s really quiet here. I don’t think I’m a very good running person.

You’re not even full up on a Saturday night?

No way. I have found out the hard way that I’m not so good at this. I even tried to make it into a restaurant, but nothing works.

Well, that’s a shame. Would you ever try to run a karaoke place again somewhere different?

No. Maybe I’m too old. I get pain in my eyes if I work late nights. I asked my doctor and he said that it’s because I should be going to sleep earlier.

What kind of music do you listen to yourself?

Michael Jackson’s pop. He was so nice a person.

NORIKO, KARAOKE WORLD

Vice: What do you do at Karaoke World?

Noriko:

I’m the daytime manager here.

Do people actually sing during the day?

Yes, they do. Often people who are practicing for a talent show like

Australian Idol

will come during the day. But there obviously are not as many here as in the nighttime.

Have you ever worked the night shift?

Yes, I’ve been here for five years so I’ve seen it all. Karaoke World has been open for 12 years.

How would you rate most of the people who come to sing there?

You’d be surprised—they’re not too bad.

What do people tend to sing most?

There’s always lots of ABBA, Lady Gaga, and Bon Jovi. At night it’s all the fun songs whereas during the day it’s generally ballads.

What kind of music do you like to listen to yourself?

I like 90s music—the stuff I grew up listening to in Indonesia. The karaoke bars are much better there than here, to be honest.

Why is that?

I guess it’s because everything is so cheap and affordable that they can really go crazy decking the places out. For instance, in Indonesia you generally have your own toilet in the room. There’s a lot more luxury over there. In Asian countries, people don’t go to bars and pubs as much as here. We all just go to karaoke.

And do people tend to sing better than they do here? Do they have better voices?

Not so much.

JACK, K-BOX

Vice: Are you the manager at K-Box?

Jack:

Yes.

What shifts do you work?

I work night and day shifts. We’re booked up on the weekends, so I’m always busy.

Why do you think people do karaoke?

To let off steam. It’s a modern-day piano bar.

What kind of songs do you find to be the most popular?

Probably rock songs, which can make the whole room electrified. Songs where everyone can shout into the microphone, you know?

Like Guns N’ Roses?

Yeah, exactly, like that type of thing.

Do you sing karaoke yourself?

Yes, I do.

Do you have a good voice?

I’d say I do, but the thing with karaoke is that it’s irrelevant whether you have a good voice. I think there’s a misconception that you need to sing well, but that’s not the point. It’s about having fun. I like seeing people enjoy themselves, so that makes up for how bad it can sound sometimes.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen in your time working here?

One time there was a Japanese couple here, and I walked in on them having hanky-panky inside the room. That kind of thing happens a lot in Japan because it’s cheaper than a love hotel. They hire a karaoke room instead for sexy times.

Do you have cameras in the rooms?

We are required by law to have cameras in the rooms.

What’s your least favorite type of music?

I like everything.