I’m not sure what I was doing the other day to make me think of this, but out of nowhere I was like, “I CANNOT believe that Brian Austin Green gets to put his dick inside of Megan Fox.” You know who Brian Austin Green is, right? That guy who danced all the time for no reason with his mucousy tongue hanging out like a dead cow’s on 90210. Didn’t he just sit by and let his hand job tutor/best friend shoot himself in the face on that show? THIS is the kind of guy you want farting in his sleep on you, Megan Fox? I don’t endorse any of this.Oh! I know what I was doing that made me think of BAG and Megan Fox’s unholy union, I was reading up on celebrities who are in open relationships or open marriages and found THIS.I have no knowledge as to the credibility of a site called frisky.com, but I sure as shit believe that Megan Fox could get away with an arrangement like this. I can just hear the convo that they had about it now:MEGAN FOX: So, Brian, you’re cute, and you’re a good dancer and all (rolls eyes), and I know we’ve been together for six years, but if this is gonna last I’m gonna need to fuck some less goofy-looking dudes from time to time. I like a guy who’s peen feels like a can of soda in my hand, and you’re more like a GoGurt. Oh, but you’re not allowed to sleep with anyone else but me. While I’m out getting fisted by my Pilates teacher (and by fisted I mean fucked with his cock), you can stay at home and dust. Thanksssssssss.BAG: **Cries**Have you seen the movie Jennifer’s Body? If you are just some random straight person, your answer to this is probably something like “grunt noise,” but if you’re a lesbian/queer person, your answer is more like “Ummmm, let’s talk about how I was reading about that shit on the internet like five months before it even came out, and own three copies on DVD, and masturbate to it nightly, and carry it with me in my bag in case I go somewhere and meet someone who wants to masturbate to it together.”Megan Fox has one of those hot face/body combos where you’re like “seriously? SERIOUSLY???” Every time I see a picture of her I find myself making a groaning noise and then grabbing the loose fabric of my jeans at my crotch area. People may see me doing this and think that I have to have a bathroom emergency, but no, it’s just because my vagina is aching that special sort of ache.Megan Fox looks especially hot in Jennifer’s Body because she’s possessed by a demon and eats raw meat and likes to fuck a lot. Any movie that combines motorcycle-bodied brunettes with raw meat, evil shit, and fucking, gets two creepy smiling thumbs up in my book. Am I riiiiiiiiiight?Sometimes when I’m having sex with a lady and I’m using a strap-on, I like to do this thing called “hot dog in a bun,” which doesn’t really do anything for either of us per se, but looks really fucking hot from my POV. Every time I’m doing it though and a girl is like, “Um, what are you doing?” And I’m like “HOT DOG IN A BUN!” they don’t completely know what I’m talking about slash act like it’s weird. Don’t straight people and gay dudes do this? What’s the problem? I would very much like to “hot dog in a bun” with you, Megan Fox. Facebook me.Previously - Common Folk Edition #1@wolfievibes
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