Crazy Hot Turds
I've mentioned in this column before that I'm a big fan of skate zines, but I don't know if I mentioned that I also used to make skate zines. I only mention that because I think there's a difference between being a fan of something and actually participating in something. And I only mention that because I don't understand how people can be infatuated with something without trying to do it themselves. You really really like music? Start a band. You really really like comic books? Make one. You really really like movies? Try to film one. My point being, I always thought skate zines were cool, so when I was in my mid-20s I tried making one. Turned out it was super fun, so I made another 21 skate zines over the next few years.
Keg Party was the first skate zine I worked on. My photographer buddy Lee Brooks shot almost all of the skate photos and I did the majority of the writing and layout. We made ten issues between 1998 and 2002.
Lee was kind of hard to get ahold of for a brief stint, during which time I made three issues of F.K.P. with my buddy Scott Garlington under the assumed names Howard Upton and Bobby Bumpass. F.K.P. stood for "Fuck Keg Party," and it was supposed to have been created by two dudes who were jealous of Keg Party's success (which was a ridiculous notion since Keg Party had no success).
After F.K.P. Scott and I made a one-off zine titled Lousy.
And after that I adopted a writing persona named David Dittmeyer and made eight issues of Programmed from India, which was a skate zine that pretty much just ridiculed everything about contemporary skateboard culture. When you're in your 20s it's easy to think that you're smarter than everybody else. I made the last issue (No. 8) of P.F.I. in 2003 and I haven't made a skate zine since. BUT I have made a bunch of art zines, founded two art galleries, joined the writing staff at Thrasher magazine, and started my own skateboard company
, so it's not like I've just been jacking around over here. I mean... I'm trying! Sorry about that. Probably shouldn't have opened that last beer. Anyways...
The whole point of my column this week was to talk about a book I just bought: The Best of Skate Fate.
Skate Fate is a zine that G.S.D. (Garry Scott Davis) made from 1981 to 1991, and it's credited as being the very first skate zine. Imagine being the dude who made the first skateboarding zine. You'd probably think you were pretty hot turd, huh?
Now imagine that you're the dude who made the very first skate zine and you also invented the boneless one. We're talking crazy hot turds now. Like you'd need to use a potholder instead of toilet paper to wipe your buns. That hot.
The Best of Skate Fate is exactly that. It's a best of compendium curated by G.S.D. himself. I had no idea until I bought this book that G.S.D. self-published 76 issues of Skate Fate over a ten year span. Which is just totally nuts to think about if you've ever made your own zine. Skate Fate was released monthly from mid 1981 to mid 1987, after which time it was released annually (in a more robust form) until 1991.
Here are some scans from the book.
I feel like this is one of those things where either you give a shit, or you don't give a shit. So if you give a shit, you can order one here. And if you don't give a shit, then I apologize for wasting your time talking about old skateboarding stuff. Actually, what would you have been doing with your time instead of reading this column? Looking at Facebook and trying to figure out where to get drunk tonight? I take back my apology. Old skate stuff rules. The end.
This week's movie review: Better Off Dead
Basically John Cusack makes a crazy snow skiing related bet in the hopes that he can keep sticking his dong in his ex-girlfriend. A bunch of zany things happen in the middle of the movie and at the end he gets to (most likely) bone a French chick. Not bad for a nerd from Sixteen Candles. Not bad.
Previously - Back in the 90s
The Internet Is a Giant Lie Factory
People in Colorado Are Now Shooting Themselves Faster Than They Can Die in Car Crashes
The VICE Guide to Travel: North Korean Motorcycle Diaries
I Have Voluntary Tourette’s (and Am Insane)
Alabama Law Firm Courts Asian Demographic with 'Not Racist' Commercial
The Fresh Prince of Chiraq
MEGWIN Vs. VICE
Comics: GG Allin and Son
Correspondent Confidential: I Was Kidnapped by a Colombian Guerrilla Army