Letters - The Sundaes Issue
You know what? No letters page this month. You know why? Because we aren’t receiving enough real letters. We mainly get emails now, and people don’t think when they write emails. They just pump them out, which makes them hard to reply to. We sat here and looked at like 50 emails we’ve gotten in the last couple days and it was really depressing. It’s like trying to come back to a burp or a fart. What can you say? “Nice fart”? “Subpar belch, but try again”?
And we used to get great letters. They would arrive in decorated envelopes along with goofy little tokens, tchotchkes, gizmos, and gifts inside—even cheap stuff like newspaper clippings or a photo or a drawing was nice. Now we just get retarded fucking emails along the lines of: “yo the artikel you did on those guys in that place doing that thing was fuckin crazyyyy!! what the hell man! shit was wild!?!?” or “vice fuck you you fucking fuckers sold the fuck out cancel my subscription fuckin vice fuck.”
In protest of this state of affairs, we are suspending the letters page for one month. We would like to formally do a wee curtsy and invite those among you, readers, who still have most of your fingers and know how to hold a pen, to send us actual, tangible letters. You can use a typewriter too, or a computer and then print it out.
We recently wanted to put together an issue that would have been made without the use of any computers at any point anywhere in its process. We found out that it was basically impossible. Or at least that’s what our publisher said. Maybe he was just thinking, “That is going to be really hard and cost a lot and so I am going to tell the editor it’s impossible for a bunch of made-up reasons so he will just leave me alone about it.” Still, it probably was kind of impossible. We could have typed everything and set it all by hand and done layouts on a big table with our sleeves rolled up using X-Acto knives and rubber cement, but if you think for one second that our printing press would have been able to do a run of the issue without any computers, then you haven’t made a magazine lately.
Anyway, we aren’t trying to get onto some “we are slaves to machines” stuff but damn can we just get some letters on paper again please? Or at least don’t send us an email until you’ve read it through twice and decided whether or not you really need us to read it. Chances are you don’t.
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