Making Friends at Coachella

Music writer Sophie Saint Thomas was dispatched to the front lines of Coachella like a real champ. She asked what bands we'd like her to interview and we were like "Bands? No way. We just want you to talk to random freaks." So she did!

My coolest camping neighbor was Eduardo, but he and his friend took off when they realized they had been sadly misinformed and U2 was not in fact performing. So after a few beers the morning of day three I wandered around and sexually harassed these folks.

VICE: Hey! What's your name?

Michael: I'm Michael from Showscoop.com (Michael passes out blue and white showscoop glasses, promotes his show review website).

Who has been your favorite act so far?

M83, and of course Radiohead.

You know I think I'm the only person on the planet who isn't obsessed with Radiohead. 

Yeah?

Yeah. So who did you think sucked? 

Kendrick Lamar was pretty disappointing.

Didn't catch him. If you could have one artist performing at Coachella as your wife and one as your mistress, who would they be? 

Feist for both. Okay wait, I'd marry Feist then have Santigold as my mistress.

Word. If your genitals were an artist performing at Coachella, who would they be? 

Snoop Dogg, because he's long and skinny.

Have you showered?

Nope.

Have you puked?

Nope.

Have you gotten laid?

No…not yet.

VICE: Hey Ladies! What's your names?

Ladies: *awkward silence*

How about you make up a cool fake name?

Blonde: Okay, I'll be Regina. She'll be Feather.

Brunette: Okay, I'm Feather.

Where you guys from?

Regina: The O.C.

Who has been the best act you've seen so far?

Regina: Kaskade.

Feather: Afrojack.

What set was the worst so far?

Regina: Um… Alesso.

What artist performing at Coachella would you marry?

Regina: I am married. That's my husband. (points)

Oh, okay, so who would you take as a lover?

Regina: Um…..next question.

So what sort of music do you and your husband like to get it on to?

Regina: House music.

Have either of you guys gotten laid while you've been here?

Regina: Yes.

Feather: No.

VICE: Hey there *wink* what's your name?

I'm Dora.

Where ya from Dora?

I'm from Isreal.

No shit! Who has been your favorite act so far?

The Black Keys and Zeds Dead.

Nice. And the worst?

Oh no… I wouldn't like to say. I guess the Arctic Monkeys.

What artist is performing that you'd like to go down on you?

Go down on me? Probably Snoop Dogg. Is that cheesy to say?

Not at all, I'm sure he'd be glad to hear that. 

VICE: Hey guys! I'm camping right next to you. What's your names?

Chick: I'm Annette.

Dude: Chez.

Where you guys from?

Huntington Beach.

So who has been the most fun act so far?

Annette: Black Keys.

Chez: Swedish House Mafia.

Annette, I heard you talking earlier about your mom being here? Where is she camping? Is that weird?

Annette: No, it's not weird. She's young. We're more like sisters. She's camping up that way with some Swedish people she met here last year. I wish I was with her.

So Chez and Annette, you two are like… together right? If you could have a threesome with anyone here, who would it be?

Annette: Dr. Dre.

Chez: Hm… I'd have to look at that book they passed out again. There was some hot blonde chick who I think is performing.

Have you two had some tent sex since you've been here?

Chez: (long pause)…..no.

@TheBowieCat