Branding Suggestions for Malaysia Airlines

It's a known fact that corporations are better people than people. Mitt Romney knew this truth just as Walter Landor did: Branding is inescapable. It's an intrinsic part of the social fabric of our existence. It's also very lucrative. But when tragedy strikes, who's left to pick up the pieces of a shattered corporate image? That's where people like me come in. As an expert in brand management, I offer my services to companies around the world who might have taken an unexpected hit in their DAU/MAU analytics or scores on Klout.

So let's check out the latest gossip from today's hottest corporate citizens.

Courtney Love says she may have found the missing Malaysia Airlines flight, which is consistent with her personal brand image of consistently embarrassing herself publicly. I can offer no new information on the status of MH370, but I can tell you one thing: Regardless of what happened to that plane, Malaysia Airlines as a brand is going to be just fine.

Person/undeveloped brand Hadyn Long, the Flight Centre spokesman, said the company hasn't skipped a beat with bookings since the March 8 disappearance. "It hasn’t had an impact, but it’s very early days. People at the moment are more concerned with what’s happened to it," he said, adding Malaysia Airlines was a respected airline with a good reputation. "The numbers are holding up pretty well." Any marketer worth his weight in content will tell you any press is good press. You have to admit they've definitely stepped up their Twitter game.

Here's an example of average content prior to the disappearance—uninspiring and completely failing to engage their core demographic:

We want you to have your say! Let us know what movies you want to watch in-flight at http://t.co/D6zYvPrxJT

— Malaysia Airlines (@MAS) February 26, 2014

On the other hand, here's a tweet after they’ve stepped into the spotlight, and you now see a sense of urgency that ignites their base:

We share the anxieties of family members & we're doing everything possible to get more status updates on MH370. - http://t.co/xGT1P7SsHM

— Malaysia Airlines (@MAS) March 8, 2014

Championship brands find ways to win when the chips are down. I think this is a great opportunity for Malaysia Airlines to capitalize on the attention. It's time for a rebranding effort, and as the internet's leading brand-awareness ambassador, I'm just the guy to help.

So let's see. Right now, when people think of Malaysia Airlines, what do they think about? Probably the fact that they're missing an airplane full of human beings and nobody knows what happened. OK, great. So how can we use that to our advantage?

Malaysia Airlines could target the huge market and untapped demo of missing persons, and also get bonus wordplay points, with the addition of “International” to its company name.

Another great way to rebrand is to position the company as the airline that tells it like it is. Look, man, sometimes things like this just happen.

Appealing to the consumer's rational side is always a great optimization strategy.

The important thing is to keep people making the association. You want people to remember you might not make it from Malaysia to China, possibly going underwater or being hijacked or being the first air vessel to have passed into the newly established multiverse to forever evade the collapse of society like some sort of Magic Malaysian School Bus.

Man, now the branding ideas are flowing—flowing like pings sent from the aircraft, pings that may well be a distress signal, perhaps from someone on board, like some kind of Con Air situation with a Nicolas Cage type who could take action to dispense vigilante justice but won't because of a solemn vow made to his daughter. Maybe that's the situation on board MH370 right now at this very second. Maybe it's just a matter of time before this hypothetical person leaps up, busts heads, and restores order to this goddamn mess, because somebody fucking has to.

So there's no shortage of options here, Malaysia Airlines. But all eyes are on you. Time to optimize that brand. Your audience is engaged. The content needs to follow.

How would you revamp and improve the Malaysia Airline brand? Engage my content with your content in the comments.

Grant Pardee is a writer, comedian, and brand expert. See him and other VICE west coast contributors at ENTITLEMENT on Wednesday, April 2, with headliner Reggie Watts, at Los Globos on Sunset Blvd. in Los Angeles. Follow him on Twitter.