This Angolan Lady Walks Around London Campaigning to Save Blonde People

By Jak Hutchcraft

Maria with a blonde person

Say hello to Maria de Jesus-Lucungo. Not only does Maria share a name with the benevolent oracle of the Christian faith, she's also inherited some of his selflessness and eternal goodwill. Although she's originally from Angola and doesn't have fair hair herself, Maria has made it her life goal to campaign for the protection of the UK's blonde population. She believes that England's flaxen-haired brothers and sisters are under threat of extinction and that, if they disappear, "the world will not be so attractive in beauty any more".

From a scientific point of view, there is yet to be any conclusive evidence that blonde hair is either more attractive to other human beings or on the way out. But Maria doesn't care too much for what scientists have to say. Her unconditional love for "pure" blondes transcends reason, walks a narrow tightrope between Mother Teresa and Hitler and can't be halted by any evidence presented to her.

Through extensive flyering, an online petition and multiple letters sent to the British Prime Minister, Maria says that she hopes to establish a National Blonde Day to celebrate all things blond. I caught up with her to find out what else she wants to achieve.

VICE: Hi, Maria. When did you first realise that blondes need protecting?
Maria Jesus-Lucungo: It came all of a sudden a few years ago. They’re not breeding with each other. It’s good to have some blond in the white community to mix with everyone else so we can have a variety of complexions. Variety is nice—variety is the spice of life! If you go to Africa, you expect to see a black African. If someone from Africa comes to Europe, the first thing they should see should be a blonde. Blonde is the pure white before it gets mixed with everyone else.

Do you think the purest forms of all races need to be protected? Like if black Africans were becoming extinct?
Yes, but Africans aren’t becoming extinct. Go to Africa—you’ll see they have lots. If blondes disappear, then you will have to explain to your grandchildren that, once upon a time, we used to have another type of white people and the child might not believe it. This is what I’m trying to avoid; we don’t have to let it get that far.

In England, we need somebody to stand up for blondes in the House of Commons. It’s like if you have a garden and one flower is dying out, then the gardener will do something to revive it. His concentration will be on that particular one. So my focus is on this particular one, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t like all the others. I like everyone all the same.

What kind of thing would you suggest to the House of Commons?
The first thing would be the National Blonde Day. But it would be a celebration of the whole white community—some people are just more blond than others. Hitler was not blond, but he cared very much—he liked blondes. Apart from all the atrocities that he did, he was also trying to preserve the blondes.

But Hitler was doing that because he believed the Aryan race were the "master race". He also killed a lot of innocent people.
It’s a bit of an exaggeration for everyone to be one thing—we want the diversity of people. His vision made sense in a way, but it’s all about how to solve the problem. I think if he lived nowadays his ideologies would change a bit. He’d be a bit more flexible. If it were possible to save all the blondes, then that would be fantastic.

Do you think that blondes are more beautiful than any other people? I’m not blonde. Am I ugly?
No, no, no. You get different beauty in different races. There are many different kinds of beauty. 

What about gingers?
I consider ginger to be the darkest blonde there is. I think they still belong in the "blonde" category. They’re slightly blond.

Do you think the government knows about the diminishing blonde population and just doesn’t care? Or do you reckon this would all be news to them?
We have to educate them on the situation and see if they don’t care. I think the government is too busy with the economy and this and that, and they’re not really paying attention. Something has to be done and someone has to do it. We have to carry on banging on about the same subject until they listen. Someone had to bring the case up. If you build it, they will come!

What about scientists? There have plenty of claims that blonde people aren’t actually dying out.
There are two types of scientists: the ones who say I’m too late on my campaign—that blondes have already gone. And other scientists who say that they’re not dying out. I’m campaigning anyway.

What do you say to people who think that hair colour isn't important? That it’s what’s inside that counts?
What’s inside is one thing, and looks are a different thing. For some people, looks are important. I like to see nice-looking people, and if you can be, then go for it. What’s inside is for relationships, for when you have a girlfriend and you love her. But looks on the outside is for when you go somewhere strange and you don’t get scared by what people look like. Somebody has to care for looks.

Thank you for being that person, Maria.


@Jak_TH

Comments