©2014 VICE Media LLC

    The VICE Channels

      "Motorola Queen"

      August 21, 2013
      From the column 'Rat Tail'


      Photos By: Janicza Bravo; Featuring Hannah Heller as Carmenita Rosenberg Miranda

      Below are the lyrics to the long-lost classic “Motorola Queen” by the completely unknown white 80s hip-hop artist, Rat Tail, whose current whereabouts are unknown. It was transcribed from a cassette tape discovered last November, wrapped in a ball of human hair in a garbage dump in Guadalajara, Mexico.

      I met her out in Venice she was wearing a bikini
      Ass like Granny Smith and titties far from teeny
      She smiled in the sand and gave my pretty self a wave
      I knew right away that I’d always be her slave
      I Kunta Kinte’d right over to her blanket
      Her butt glowing in the sun, “Oooh ooh I want to spank it”
      I screamed that shit at the top of my voice
      Bitch was so fine she was the top of my choice
      Baby girl, how ’bout a ride in my purple Rolls-Royce
      I’ll take you for a little spin and make your little panties moist
      She held her hands up and said, “Hey wait a minute,
      This pussy needs commitment if you want to get up in it”
      This made me love her more ’cause she had self-esteem
      It was clear like Mr. Clean this was the girl of my dreams
      Dick was so hard it was bustin’ out my jeans
      Pretty girl, pretty please, be my Motorola queen

      Ringa ding dinga ling ringa dinga ling ling
      All hail all hail my new Motorola queen
      She be lookin’ real fly and actin’ real mean
      Ringa ding ding ding 
      She’s my Motorola queen

       

      Driving through Hollywood was when I realized
      My eyes were so distracted by my girl’s lips and thighs
      My brain couldn’t focus, and I felt so ashamed
      Through all of my games I forgot to ask her name
      “What’s your name, little miss?”
      The question felt random
      She said, “My name’s Carmenita Rosenberg Miranda”
      Ala kazama wama lama ding-dong
      Her name made my dick grow the size of King Kong
      Leaned over to her ear, and I whispered in a hiss:
      “Give my phone a hug, give my phone a kiss
      Give my phone a lick, suck my phone’s dick”
      You’re my queen Motorola, fuck my phone right quick
      And when my phone come, you know it come real thick
      You’re not my Motorola woman or my Motorola chick
      Motorola princess or my Motorola trick
      You’re my Motorola queen, now suck this dick

      Carmenita Rosenberg Miranda
      Carmenita Rosenberg Miranda
      Carmenita Rosenberg Miranda
      Carmenita Rosenberg Miranda

      Ringa ding dinga ling ringa dinga ling ling
      All hail all hail my new Motorola queen
      She be lookin’ real fly and actin’ real mean
      Ringa ding ding ding, she’s my Motorola queen

      Previously - "Introducing Rat Tail"

      Read all 13 installments of Combover, Brett Gelman’s novel about Hollywood, baldness, and the beauty of the Jewish tradition here.

      -

      Topics: rat tail, Brett Gelman, 80s hip hop

      Comments