My Internet Friend, Riff Raff

By Drew Millard

A few months ago, VICE interviewed Riff Raff about a variety of subjects during his G's to Gents heyday. We decided to check in with him to see how he's doing, and to also find out how he feels about James Franco playing him in a movie. 

People tend to look at me funny when I tell them that Riff Raff is my favorite rapper. This is because even though he has appeared on an MTV show, is signed to Soulja Boy’s label, and has one of the best Twitter accounts in the universe, Riff Raff is not particularly famous. There is also the matter of his actual rapping, which is like listening to noise music or drinking straight turpentine.

Riff Raff is a white dude from Texas who has the BET logo tattooed on his neck, and raps sort of like a combination of Pimp C and a guy who would work at a tow truck company but does not enjoy his job. His lyrics are the sort of stuff that almost make sense and then suffer a total logic breakdown right before they reach the point of transcendent coherence. Also, he raps over beats that sound like they are from a future where everyone is on cocaine always. To explain his personal style succinctly, Riff Raff dresses like he rolled around in Miami’s vomit, but in a totally awesome way. Oh, and he has recently become very newsworthy because James Franco is playing him in the new Harmony Korine movie. Selena Gomez, who is famous because she was on a TV show or something but mainly because she dates Justin Bieber, also appears in the film.

Riff Raff traffics in extremes—everything he does is so crazy that it must either be part of a metacontextual Dadaist joke and he is a genius, or he is just profoundly dumb and has been blessed by the Rap Gods with infinite luck. There is no other way of looking at it. Riff Raff and I chatted over email about, well, something. I left some of his typos in, because it seems like he made them on purpose—just like his rapping, Riff Raff’s typing has an internal rhythm and logic all its own. 

VICE: How has your life changed in the past year?
Riff Raff: It has been a classick Cinderella story, I went Riff Raff to Jody Highroller in the matter of a micro minute, or it might be macro minutes, depending on whichever one is faster and whichever one ends up spreadeagle on a panda skin couch with a left hand filled with 2.7 million dollars and a right hand filled with a 22oz. cup filled with syrup in the Shasta…
 
Did you ever think that James Franco would play you in a movie? Did you lend him clothes or give him any tips on how to play you or anything?
James Franco is clearly a legend and now Riff Raff is crystallized in time as an iceberg on legacy this whole world has reversed rotation on its cute little axis of equator mobility (???.) James Franco is a coach, therefore he doesn’t need coaching or guidance.
 
What do you think of Harmony Korine as a filmmaker?
Harmony Korine is a Rocket Scientist who purposely went on a 8-year vacation to let everyone catch up ... now he is about to drop more movies than a fat kid running home from Blockbuster who has a bag of chocolate goodies and malted milk balls in one hand, and ten movies in the other hand, then he trips over his Velcro™ shoe straps on his grey suede New Balances and on the way down he has to decide which arm full to drop,  the fudge fat incased tummy treats, or the movies .........? hmmmmmmmmmmm which one?! Bingo he goes with dropping the ten movies. Yeah, Harmony Korine is back in action and will be flexing upon haters… or "Hay-Tee-Airs" if you are in France, or is this magazine in France?
 
When is your album coming out?
Literally have 74 new songs. Gunna drop two albums with Diplo & Mad Decent… and a Jody Highroller album… and a Three Loco album with Dirt Nasty & Andy Milonakis…
 
Who is your favorite person to have met and why?
Mike Tyson. I haven’t met him, but when I did meet him we understood that our favorite person was 1989 Kelly Kapowski from Saved by the Bell… I then realized that I shouldn’t have told him that.
 
What is your favorite color?
Neon Vagina.
 
How long does it take for you to do your hair?
Takes 30 minutes. I have two naked prom queens braid my hair… At The Same Damn Time!!!
 
How many tattoos do you have?
Lost count. I think like 35 or 83. One of those.
 
What is your daily routine?
Wake up, do stuff, go to sleep three days later, wake up four hours later, somewhere in there it's some watching Family GuyWorkaholics maybe some sushi on a paper plate…
 
What is the longest you have stayed up and why?
Five days. Coke. Not the kind in the can. Well wait there was some smoked on the outside of the can also… ok wait can we start this question over or is this going down the wrong yellow brick road…?
 
So, there you have it. Riff Raff. Cocaine enthusiast, day-glo Warhol, comic genius, regular genius. Also, after he answered my questions he sent me an email with his Twitter avatar attached and asked me that I include the picture along with my article. I then asked him to take pictures of what he did during the day, and he never emailed me back. My time as Riff Raff’s internet friend was short but sweet. Fortunately, he’s on my Gchat list now so I can pretend we are BFFs, and with Riff Raff, pretending seems close enough to the real thing.

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