Photo collages by Alex ReyesMy name is Nicholas Gazin and I am VICE's art editor. On top of being addicted to beauty I am also a total eataholic. I've been teaching myself to cook since December and I'm getting really good at it. Cooking food means spending a lot of time trawling the grocery store for food to cook. I start my grocery store visits in the produce aisle at the left of the store and inevitably navigate my grocery cart to the right-most aisle, where the frozen food is kept.
Advertisement
For months, I would peer through the glass freezer doors at the cold cardboard boxes looking furtively at the frozen food like a kid glancing at the dirty magazines at the top of the newsstand rack. Again and again I would gaze upon the frozen delights only to roll my cart to the checkout aisle with my grown-up non-frozen food selections. During a recent and very dark depression I finally acted upon my desire. Frozen food combines two of my favorite things: eating and mysteries. Could the beautiful pictures and alluring cartoon mascots on the boxes be telling the truth about the deliciousness within? I decided that I could no longer let the quandary and icy foods torment me.I have loaded my grocery cart and freezer and myself with all the highly salted frozen foods that my mother was always responsible enough to keep me away from. I'm now on a sacred quest to taste all frozen foods and to test the truthfulness in their marketing. I've eaten a lot of frozen food in the past month in order to gain frozen wisdom and I can now share that deep knowledge with you. This week, I'm reviewing frozen fish sticks.
These are made from minced pollock meat, breaded and frozen. After 17 minutes in the oven you get 12 perfect food sticks.Fish sticks were my favorite food as a four-year-old and now I remember why. Fish sticks are delicious and have lower caloric content than the other frozen foods I've reviewed so far.
Gorton's Fish Sticks
Advertisement
I will definitely be sampling more of Gorton's wonderful fish products and incorporating fish sticks into more dishes. I plan to use them as a garnish on salads.After falling in food-love with Gorton's fish sticks I was tempted by the fish-fruit of another. I had to know how the competing fish sticks measured up.Mrs. Paul's Crunchy Fish Sticks' major selling point is that their sticks are sealed inside a plastic pouch within the cardboard box. Their website boasts, "Fresh Taste Sealed in Freshness Pouch." I didn't notice the frozen fish bars tasting noticeably fresher than Gorton's, which just rattle around in their cardboard containers like fishy Good 'N Plenty candies.Mrs. Paul suggests cooking her fish sticks for a full eight minutes longer than Gorton does, which is probably why her sticks boast of their crunchiness. Gorton's fish sticks have a more consistent shape, so I prefer them.I seasoned these sticks with cayenne, black pepper, and garlic powder.
GRADE: A
Mrs. Paul's Crunchy Fish Sticks
GRADE: B+
Pacific Sustainable Seafood Gluten-Free Fish Sticks
Advertisement
Despite the superior quality I intend to remain a Gorton's man. They're cheaper and they give you a higher quantity of fish sticks per box. Also I notice that all brands of fish sticks brag how crispy their fish sticks are. Anything you shove into an oven at 475 degrees becomes crispy.