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Obama May Have Won the Debate, But Mitt's Got a Binder Full of Bitches

I decided the best place to watch the showdown was at a bar appropriately named the Lost Love Lounge. It’s the type of place you could feel comfortable drinking away your sorrows in peace, at least until they come back around at 2 AM with a vengeance...

After Barak Obama’s anemic performance at the first presidential debate, everyone knew the second debate was guaranteed to be different. The president had been widely criticized as coming off as bored and uninspiring, and the media had declared Mitt Romney the runaway winner despite the fact he spent most of his time lying and exaggerating. Democrats felt let down by Obama’s failure to call his opponent out on his blatant mistruths and rhetorical nothings, and the result was a tightening of the national polls. We’d seen a bit of a precursor to the second debate in Paul Ryan and Joe Biden’s showdown the week before, but just because theVP appeared comfortable didn’t mean his boss would follow suit. The question on everybody’s mind was simple: How would Obama act in round two?

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My photographer Clark and I decided the best place to watch the showdown was at a bar appropriately named the Lost Love Lounge. It’s the type of place you could feel comfortable drinking away your sorrows in peace, at least until they come back around at 2 AM with a vengeance. It sounded like the perfect political venue. We walked through the door, ordered two beers, and took a look around at the crowd.

Unlike the places we’d watched the previous debates, the patrons seemed less drunkenly raucous than the R Bar and less disenfranchised than Mimi’s. Clark and I figured it might have something to do with it being Tuesday. People appeared to have gathered to watch the debate with a certain level of seriousness that we hadn’t anticipated, even though I suspected a few people had mistakenly come to eat pho (yes, the Lost Love Lounge also serves pho) without realizing what they were getting into. The crowd was a mix of older neighborhood regulars, hipsters, young professionals, train-hopping crust punks from Oakland, and a few neuroscientists who were in town for a conference. Eclectic was too ordinary a word to sum up our company.

The debate started with a preface from Candy Crowley, the moderator for the night. Crowley isn't exactly a household name, which made me wonder, if modern day elections really are more like reality TV than serious political discourse, couldn’t they find someone with a little bit more profile? I’d love to see Dave Chappelle calling the shots for once. At any rate, from the get-go Crowley made it clear that she was planning on staying in control. The debate was slated to be in a town hall format, which meant the questions were submitted by 82 uncommitted voters from Nassau County, New York, and selected by Crowley. She welcomed the candidates to come out on the floor. Obama’s light steps already showed more energy than he had in the first debate.

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The candidates decided to switch up the colors of their ties for the second showdown. Romney was  wearing a blue tie with white stripes while Obama wore a red one with dots. Was this arranged ahead of time too? Was the tie selection something openly discussed between the two campaigns, was it tradition, or was it a blind pick of the draw? Their ties are the only noticeable piece of color either candidate can bring to the table, so I couldn’t help but wonder how they decided what to wear. Thinking back on it now, I’m sort of surprised Biden hadn’t worn one with flames and a Harley Davidson logo.

The debate got underway with a question from a kid who was slated to graduate college in 2014. He wanted to know what the candidates would do to ensure he’d be able to find a job when he finished school. It wasn’t clear what he studied, though if I were to bet, I’d say it was something like finance. If he were an artist, he wouldn’t have asked such a silly question—he’d know that he would most likely end up working at his friend’s coffee shop. Romney was quick to assure the kid that he was the candidate who had what it took to “get the economy going,” breaking into the usual tirade about the nation needing less debt and more jobs after the terrible last four years. He was clearly intent on sticking to the talking points, which greatly disappointed me. Everyone had heard it all before. “When you come out in 2014, I’m gonna make sure you’ll get a job, Jeremy,” he promised, as if he personally had a coffee shop where the kid could sling lattes.

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Obama took Romney’s words and added a layer of depth to them. He didn’t think we simply needed jobs; we needed good-paying jobs. He wanted to bring manufacturing back to America somehow, and called for a balanced way to tackle the deficit. There you go kid, good luck.

The moderator was like, 2014, great, but what about those who need jobs right now? Romney talked numbers and percentages that no one cared about again. At this point, nobody seemed to care, period. Nobody believed the numbers anyway, but since they’re part of the talking points, Romney was hell-bent on rehashing them at every opportunity.

Unlike last time, Obama was quick to call Romney out on his blind statements. Five-point plan? More like a one-point plan—giving rich people all the breaks. You could feel the energy in the bar starting to rise with Obama’s bluntness. By this point in the election, everybody who’d been paying attention already knew Romney was working primarily for the wealthy, but to finally have the President accusing him of it face to face was getting people excited. It seemed like the boxing match was finally starting to get bloody. Obama mentioned how Romney paid a lower tax rate than most people did and accused him of  sending jobs overseas and bankrupting companies while still making stacks off the deals while at Bain Capital.

Romney was already pissed. He tried to interrupt the moderator but she wouldn’t have it, instead forcing the Republican to move onto the question about whether or not the energy department should be focused on lowering gas prices. Mitt said we needed to look at policies instead of focusing on the rhetoric—before spewing out a bunch of rhetoric. Oil production was down because the president had cut licenses and permits to oil companies. Worse yet, the EPA (which, last I checked, was in charge of making sure we didn’t fill this country up with toxic shit) was holding America back. He made it clear that if America had cheap energy, the jobs would come back, and that’s why we need more drilling.

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Obama talked more about the importance of thinking about both the energy of today as well as tomorrow, mentioning wind, solar power, and biofuels. If elected, his opponent would let the oil companies run the energy policy themselves. The gulf oil spill was still fresh in the minds of New Orleans residents, and nobody liked the idea of BP regulating themselves. China and Germany were already making investments in future energy according to the president, and he wanted those sources built here.

One thing that everyone seemed to agree on was that gas prices were too damn high, so when the moderator asked the president if four dollars a gallon was the new normal, everyone in the crowd paid attention.

Obama explained that our oil imports were at the lowest rates they’d been in 20 years, but more importantly, cars were becoming increasingly efficient. That part made sense. If cars got twice as many miles per gallon, we’d get twice as much bang for our buck at the pump. Of course, that only applied to people who could afford these new cars, but hey, it was a start. I imagined that by the time I would be able to afford a car that got 30 miles to the gallon, most cars would be averaging double that, or perhaps not run on gasoline at all. The life of a writer is not for the faint of heart.

Romney jumped in with a, “but that’s not what you’ve done,” leading Obama to counter with a, “Not true, Governor Romney.” This direct confrontation elicited a series of whoops from the bar patrons.

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It was at this point that it looked like the candidates were going to fistfight. They circled each other, glaring eye to eye, like they’d both had enough of this sissy shit and had no recourse but to take it to the next level. Even though he was a little older than the president, he had old man strength and crazy eyes, and I wasn’t sure which candidate would hit the floor first. Romney stared Obama down as the president gathered his composure and calmly walked away from the opportunity for blood, saying something about oil production instead. Somehow this made the argument last even longer. The tension was fantastic. I could almost hear people screaming, “Fight! Fight!” in the front of their brains. It didn’t matter exactly what Obama was saying, it was clear it amounted to the politically correct version of, “Fuck me? No no no, my friend—FUCK YOU.”

Much to the delight of everyone, Romney got flustered and started panicking. Everything was the president’s fault, but Obama didn’t seem to agree and just stood there, smiling. As nonchalantly as he could muster, Obama asked the audience to think about what the governor was saying. The price of oil was so low four years ago because we were on the precipice of a financial collapse, and if we followed Romney’s tax policies, we might find ourselves back at the same place.

Romney freaked out again. People in the bar kept screaming, “Shut up, it’s not your turn!” as the governor paced around the floor rambling with a look on his face like his world was caving in. Finally, the car wreck everyone had been waiting to see.

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When taxes and deductions were brought up, Romney stuck to his guns. He wanted to give lower rates “across the board,” obviously meaning the rich got just as much as the poor. Yeah, we’d heard that one before too. He said he would cut taxes on money made from investments—like most people had the luxury of having significant amounts of stocks or bonds. And then he referred to himself as big on creating incentives.

Incentives are a funny thing. Capitalists like to pretend that the only reason wealthy entrepreneurs and executives will work is if they’re allowed to keep every last dime they make, but what about the millions of hardworking individuals who live paycheck to paycheck? What motivates them to labor for those rich yacht owners? Oh yeah, starvation. Hunger creates incentives. Romney never mentioned what kind of incentives he was planning on building, but I got the feeling it was going to involve a growing number of gnawing stomachs.

Obama agreed with Romney that the middle class needed relief but pointed out that if it’s a moral obligation to reduce the deficit, then we should expect the wealthy to do a little bit more. According to the president, Romney had gone on 60 Minutes two weeks ago and said it was fair for the wealthy to pay a lower tax rate because they’re the ones who grow the economy. Obama said we should believe Romney when he says he wants tax cuts for everyone, but doing that won’t strengthen the middle class.

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“What does middle class mean?” someone in the bar asked the TV. I couldn’t answer that question. All I knew was that it wasn’t me.

Regardless of whether Romney’s concepts made sense or not, he was big on clarifying that his number one concern was bringing jobs back to America. Obama didn’t buy the sales pitch. What loopholes was Romney planning on closing? The president applauded Romney as a savvy businessman, but said he would never have accepted a plan as void of substance as the one he was currently pushing. The only specifics Romney had mentioned cutting were Big Bird and Planned Parenthood. Obama called that a sketchy deal and the Love Lost Lounge broke into applause. People love the word sketchy.

The question of outsourcing jobs seemed relevant, especially considering both candidates insistence on bringing jobs back to America. Romney called it a great question and quickly blamed China and their artificially low currency. China was stealing our intellectual property and making counterfeit Apple stores. Romney didn’t mention slave labor of course, but nobody expected either candidate to go down that road. Mittens went on to say that the key was to make the US more attractive for businesses small and large, which basically meant lower corporate taxes and fewer regulations.

Obama’s counterargument was a bit more pragmatic. It was time to realize some jobs weren’t ever coming back because they were low-skill and low-wage, and that what we need are jobs that are high-skill and high-wage, and therefore it was a necessity to invest in education. Romney kept repeating that governments don’t create jobs in a frustrated tone. It was getting more and more heated in there on the floor.

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But moving right along, what about Libya and the American embassy workers who had been killed there recently? Instead of actually describing what he would do as president, Romney claimed Obama had failed to use the word terrorism for 14 days after the attack in Benghazi, which was promptly shot down by Crowley as incorrect seconds later. Romney’s face flushed as he stuttered while Obama sat back and gloated. I almost felt bad for Romney for stumbling into that one.

When both candidates were given the opportunity to describe why women were paid less in the workplace, the girls in the bar who all knew the answer sat up suspiciously. Obama gave a personal anecdote about his mother and grandmother who had hit their own respective glass ceilings, the latter of whom trained people who later went on to be her bosses. With women increasingly becoming the breadwinners of the family, the question had to be taken in larger context.

Romney’s reply?

Binders full of women.

The place broke into absurd laughter, although I picked up a certain amount of sadness in it. Not only was Romney saying something fairly sexist in the dumbest way possible, he actually believed he was being progressive in regards to gender equality. Women often required more flexibility, he said, and they couldn’t always work the same amount of hours as men because they had to get home to cook dinner for their kids. The binder comment made people laugh, but that last comment made them mad. I wondered how many alarms were suddenly popping off in his head. Then again, why should anyone assume he recognized his blunder at all? Romney ended his stroll down Dumbass Lane by repeating, with sensitivity this time, that he knew how to make the economy work.

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After the first debate, a lot of pundits had said Romney had surprised them by managing to connect with undecided women voters. It appeared he’d struck a chord with women at this one too, only now he’d plucked something dissonant and noticeably out of tune. He made a similar error when the question of banning assault rifles came up. Obama admitted that while he does believe in the Second Amendment, there's question that a lot of crazy shit has gone down in the last four years, including the "Dark Knight" shooting in Aurora, Colorado. Enforcing laws was important, but he thought it was necessary to look to the sources of the violence if we were going to make a significant change.

Romney’s take was that better schools might help but that real education came from parents, specifically moms and dads. Everybody in the bar knew the homophobic agenda he was hinting at, and started booing him. Clearly he couldn’t hear them because Romney kept going, saying people should think about marriage before having babies.

“And how does he plan on doing anything about that?” a voice in the bar asked. I assumed Romney’s answer would be cutting funds for sex education. The moderator pointed out that Romney wasn’t really addressing the question, so he just said he was bipartisan and left it at that, which didn’t necessarily avert disaster but did limit his opportunity to say something stupid. He looked like the stalled disco ball failing to rotate on the ceiling of the bar. He just sat there, blankly.

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The closing question was in reference to what misconceptions each candidate would like to clear up about himself. Romney started by saying the president painted him out to not care about 100 percent of the American people and that he believed in God. He said he didn’t want us to have to settle—it made me think about how the Republicans had to settle for Romney back in the primaries.

Like a proper Keynesian, Obama said he believed in the free enterprise system while still recognizing government needed to create jobs and level the playing field. With that note, he dropped the 47 percent line everybody had been waiting for. Democrats nationwide applauded.

The debate came to a close and the candidates walked around and shook hands. Romney had the body language of someone you didn’t want to fuck with. Clark and I made our way outside and started talking to a few people on the street. One kid in particular was super pissed about both candidates' stances on education.

“I don’t think they really ever addressed the subject because politicians are afraid of addressing education. If you educate young people, then later when they’re adults and fully informed, they won’t vote for you because they’ll be able to see through all your BS.”

I believed him. A few other people were wearing party hats, so I went up and asked them what they thought. None of them were certain if they were going to vote at all. One guy said he only saw what was on the TV while he was eating dinner.

“What did I think about what I saw? It was more politics. It was two guys yelling over each other about how they’re not like the other guy who wants the exact same job.” I asked him how his pho was. He said OK.

When we got home, there didn’t seem to be any point in looking online to find out whom everybody thought had won the debate—that answer was pretty clear. Instead, we were interested as to how many pages about women in binders had sprung up. Within two hours of the comment, a Twitter handle called Romney’s Binder already had 5,000 followers, and a Tumblr page filled with satirical photos of women in Trapper Keepers had already popped up. Facebook was blowing up with people talking shit about whichever candidate they opposed as well as multiple posts from people bragging about how they weren’t watching the debates.

I sighed. I can't wait for the election to finally end, if only for peace of mind. Let’s just get this over with. That two-month period between November and January before the candidates start jockeying into position for the 2016 election sounds all right to me.

mikeabu.com

@countslackula