I Went to Pattaya for the Sex, I Stayed for the Steroids
Imagine if Charles Bronson loaded up on steroids, waltzed out of prison, bought a huge apartment in Thailand, and spent the rest of his days sleeping with prostitutes, posting photos of said prostitutes to his Facebook page, zealously championing misogyny, and fighting for animal rights. And taking more steroids.
Add a couple of tribal tattoos and you've got Tim "Sharky" Ward, the Australian man who moved to Pattaya, Thailand, and became an internet celebrity earlier this year for taking a bunch of steroids and posting photos of prostitutes on Facebook. I suppose that makes him a worthy-enough interview subject as it is, but I also wanted to speak to him to gain some insight into why so many Australians are moving to Pattaya.
The sex trade there is no secret. Prostitutes charge about $15 a night and most rely on that money to feed their entire family. However, since many men are looking for a girlfriend or wife in these women, those with families have to pretend they are single and child-free, which has led to bloggers like StickmanBangkok, a friend of Sharky's, conducting surveillance on the women to make sure they're telling the truth. It's exploitative and sad and everything else that usually goes along with the sex industry in developing countries, and most other countries for that matter.
But sex isn’t all that’s drawing people to Pattaya. Sharky is part of a growing community of Australian bodybuilders who move there for the cheap steroids you can buy over the counter at pharmacies. As you can probably imagine, this anabolic-fueled sex-tourist paradise is on its way to becoming the historical zenith of douche-baggery, with Sharky as its king. I spoke to him to find out how life there is unfolding for him.
VICE: So when I called you earlier you said you were busy. What were you doing?
Tim "Sharky" Ward: I was eating. I’d just finished fucking. I just finished smashing a bird and I went out and got some food.
Smashing her? How was that?
Fucking great. I loved it. I love pussy. I always have. People think I didn’t fuck girls before I came to Thailand. I owned nine nightclubs. I got more pussy in Australia than I get in Thailand.
Wow, that's very impressve. Can you estimate how many women you’ve slept with?
Well, it’s over a thousand in Australia and it’s over a thousand here. To be honest, it took me a lot longer to do my thousand in Australia ‘cause I had relationships.
So I take it you’re not a one woman kind of guy?
No. Fuck ‘em. They’re all cunts. I’ve been through too much to know that it just ends in heartache.
But there can only be a limited number of bar girls in Thailand—what happens when you’ve slept with them all?
Oh, they come from the villages, like Isan in the north. There are new girls arriving every day and the old ones leave. It’s the circle of life, you know? I do double up, but it's been brand new girls for the last two days. They all want to come to Pattaya. They want gold. They want to live the dream. They wanna meet the rich Western guy that’s gonna take her back to his country and look after her.
So, are you on a quest to be that rich Western guy for every prostitute in Thailand?
Fuck no, I’m not on a quest; I’m here for the training. Before I’ve been to the gym, nothing else matters.
Do you ever stay in touch with any of these bar girls?
Yeah, there are some who give me a cheeky wink when I’m walking past. They’re like mates. That’s why I stabbed that cunt. The fuckin’ guy beat up one of my girls—he put her in hospital—so I stuck a fuckin’ knife in him. Would I do it again? Fuckin' hell, yes I would. I'll stab the cunt again, if I see him.
Wait—how did you manage to get away with stabbing a guy?
Because he put a Thai girl in hospital. They were gonna give me a medal! You know, after that incident, I actually got a job with the child protection unit.
Can you talk about that a bit more?
No, I can’t. And that’s one of the reasons why I took my Facebook down. They get these guys through Facebook and they said to me that it’s probably better if I weren’t on there.
When you find them what do you do?
Oh, it’s pretty fuckin’ full on. My job’s not to shake hands. Put it this way: I wouldn’t recommend comin’ over here and fuckin’ the kids.
Good advice to be heeded all around the world, I reckon. Are you still into animal rights?
I feed stray animals on the way to the gym, then I do another set of animals at night. Sometimes I take a girl with me. It’s good putting something back. You can’t just take, take, take, take.
What would you say to all the young kids coming over to Thailand on “steroid vacations”?
The fuckin' steroids here are fake. Everything here is fake. The Louis Vuitton is fake, the Rolexes are fake—why would they believe that the steroids are real?
Have you ever taken any of them?
I won’t go out to a fuckin’ pharmacy to go and buy shit there, that's for sure. There’s one Thai guy I know who controls the whole growth hormone market, but just because something's got testosterone written on the bottle, doesn't mean it's actually testosterone.
Are the prostitutes fake too?
Well, that's just like testosterone, too; just because it’s got long hair and big tits, doesn’t mean it’s a woman.
Have you ever accidentally been with a ladyboy?
I tell you what, I knocked out the last one with a cock that I brought back home. If I find out they’re a fuckin’ liar, I'll knock ‘em the fuck out. SMACK! Take that, you cunt. I’m getting better at picking them because I’ve actually been here a long time and I know the signs to go for. They know me now, too, and they know I’d knock them out. It’s the Wild West here, man.
The Wild West? Have you ever had to kill someone?
Like I’d tell you.
I thought I'd try my luck. So, would you consider yourself a feminist?
A feminist? Nah, I don’t really like women. I’d rather spend time with animals, you know?
I’m not really into them as human beings. Once I’ve fucked ‘em, then they’re out. Have a shower and go. I give them the option to come with me and feed the animals, but that’s up to them.
Have you ever been with a girl who’s a normal size? Or are they all just Thai Bratz dolls?
The thing about Asian girls is they’ve got tight pussies. When I was with my Australian girl, I used to stick it in her ass all the time. She had a massive fuckin’ pussy, so some nights I’d just stick it in her ass. You don’t need to stick it in these girls’ asses because their pussies are so tight. I’m a fuckin’ huge guy, man. These girls aren’t that fuckin’ small. If you stood in front of me, you’d be like “oh FUCK!” Understand?
You’re a bit cocky on the phone, but if you’re in my face, you don’t talk to me like that. You’d know what I mean if you stood in front of me.
Yeah, I think you’d probably eat me alive.
It’s just having that animal in you. They tried to make me sleep by a toilet when they put me in jail. A hundred fuckin’ Thai men. What would you do if a hundred fuckin’ Thai men made you sleep by a toilet? You’d do what all the other guys do and you’d sleep by the toilet. I didn’t sleep by the fuckin’ toilet, though. Bring it on, you fuckin’ little cunts. I enjoyed Thai jail. I don’t wanna go again, but I learned a lot about the people and I learned a lot about the culture.
Some of Tim's amateur photography.
Sharky also wanted me to "clear all that shit up" about him on the internet. So, just so everyone knows, all those kids on Facebook and forums pretending to be him are actually just "trolls with small dicks." Hopefully this interview will help shed some light on this apparently, deeply misunderstood man.
Just please don't kill me, Tim.
Sharky had to take his Facebook down, but you can still follow him on Twitter, where he provides valuable insight into current events in Thailand and advice for the legion of bodybuilding fanboys who consider him “an absolute leg-end.”
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