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      "Paula Deen" Is Going to Kill "Trayvon Martin" on TV

      August 23, 2013
      Dave Schilling

      By Dave Schilling

      Associate Editor

      From the column 'This Week in Racism'

      Welcome to the Trayvon Martin Will Never Really Die edition of This Week in Racism. I’ll be ranking news stories on a scale of 1 to RACIST, with “1” being the least racist and “RACIST” being the most racist.

      - Popular fiction often dabbles in what-ifs. What if Superman grew up in Soviet Russia? What if the Nazis had won World War II? What if God was one of us? Just a stranger on the bus? Trying to make his way home?

      These are all fascinating questions worth exploring, but Law & Order: Special Victims Unit has decided to ask another, possibly more provocative, question: what if Paula Deen shot Trayvon Martin because she thought he was trying to rape her? I mean, doesn't Paula Deen look like she packs heat?

      The show's executive producer Warren Leight explained the premise to Entertainment Weekly:

      “[Jeffrey] Tambor is a defense attorney representing a very high-profile celebrity woman chef who thought she was being pursued by a rapist and turned around it was a teenager. And she shot him. There’s a lot of stop-and-frisk elements to that as well... Is racial profiling justifiable? Can self-defense involve racial profiling? We’re diving right into that,”

      It appears that Law & Order’s plot generator, which has mixed and matched elements of popular news stories for decades, is broken. This sounds like the absolute worst idea I’ve ever heard. That said, here’s my list of dream casting choices for this upcoming episode!

      “Paula Deen”

      Melissa McCarthy

      Kathy Bates

      Kevin Spacey

      Seven Midgets Trapped in a Burlap Sack

      Natalie Portman

      “Trayvon Martin”

      Nick Cannon

      Chris Tucker

      Michael B. Jordan

      That Little Black Girl Who got Called a “Cunt” by the Onion

      Hopefully NBC picks one of my choices! 3


      Photo by Flickr user KOMUNews

      - Trayvon Martin isn’t just a character on a salacious TV drama either. He’s also still being used to further the agenda of every pundit you can think of, mostly in the service of an agenda totally unrelated to his actual demise.

      The tragic death of Australian baseball player Christopher Lane, who was killed by three teenagers (two of whom were black and one of whom was white, if you're keeping score) has become an excuse to label liberals (including President Barack Obama) as hypocrites. On his radio show, sentient pork rind Rush Limbaugh said, “It’s worse than a double standard. This is a purposeful, willful ignoring of the exact racial components but in reverse that happened in the Trayvon Martin shooting. From Obama on down, didn’t care about Trayvon Martin. All that mattered was that incident offered them an opportunity to advance a political agenda.”

      I’m trying to wrap my brain around Limbaugh accusing someone else of taking the opportunity to advance a political agenda, but it’s like trying to understand the time-travel paradoxes in the 2009 Star Trek movie. I’m just not going to bother.

      - Nevermind the dubious source—Limbaugh actually might be on to something. The Los Angeles Times reported on Wednesday that one of the shooters, James Francis Edwards Jr., had a history of making racially inflammatory remarks. They specifically refer to a tweet attributed to Edwards that said, “90 percent of white ppl are nasty. #HATE THEM." Also, a member of the church he used to attend claimed Edwards said, "I can't go to your church anymore because my god is black."

      Chancey Allen Luna, who was also charged with murder, once had a banner on his Facebook page that said “Black power,” according to the same Times report. Those details make it hard to ignore a racial element to the story. Granted, the third kid to be arrested was white, but you can't deny that the statements reported by the Times are absolutely racist. There is no excuse for any of the rhetoric used by the shooters in this tragedy, and it should be treated with the same scorn that we lob at racism spouted by anyone else. RACIST

      - This all makes me think that maybe the conservative media is correct and liberals really are creating a bigger problem by demonizing white people and turning young black males into violent thugs.

      I think I finally see the truth of the racial problem in America. Liberals are tearing us apart by blowing events like Trayvon Martin out of proportion! There’s no such thing as racism in America anymore…

      Oh God.

      Colorado Republican state senator Vicki Marble let loose with a bizarre diatribe against the African American diet this week:

      "When you look at life expectancy, there are problems in the black race. Sickle cell is something that comes up. Diabetes is something that is prevalent in the genetic makeup. Although I gotta say, I've never had better BBQ and better chicken and ate better in my life then when you go down South, I mean, I love it. Everybody loves it."

      To be fair, I eat tons of fried chicken and BBQ and I look like this:

      Ease up on those ribs, tubby!

      The Ten Most Racist Tweets of the Week [sic]:

      10: @faggitr0n: "CAN PEOPLE DROP IT? shit. just because i was talking about the damn word "n*gger" does not make me racist. goodbye."

      9. @ryanwhyte: "I'mnot racist, but if you come to Canada and get a job that involves interacting with people, could you at least ATTEMPT to learn English?"

      8. @BiancaaaBiitch: "Could really go for some chink fooodddd rn"

      7. @MaleBombshell1: "The trayvon case.. People blew that all out of proportion... Why? Is it because he's black or what. I'm not racist but that seems unfair."

      6. @chelsiesey: "I'mnot racist but hey little black boy out my way #freshman"

      5. @jasminnWright: "By all means I'm not racist , but some white people are stupid."

      4. @angelaahalili:  "I have problems with all the mexis at my work n I told this be*ner I was gonna call immigration on her n she went on hush mouth so quick"

      3. @hideousthougts : "some n*gger just ran in the middle of the freeway gotta love Los Angeles"

      2. @MericanMainer: "I'mnot racist but if you're not white I hate you."

      1. @whiiteeboiiii: "Attention everyone: I am not a racist, I have a black person in my family tree and he's been hanging there for a while"

      Last Week in Racism: Orson Scott Card Is Officially the Most Racist Sci-Fi Author

      @dave_schilling

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      Topics: Trayvon Martin, Paula Deen, Law & Order, Special Victims Unit, SVU, Christopher Lane, oklahoma, racism, Rush Limbaugh

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