Pen Pals

Incorrect Officers

By Bert Burykill


Some correction officers getting trained in Nebraska in the 50s. Wonder if any of them abused any inmates in their day?

Daaamn! Look at this prison guard who’s having a cop killer’s baby after banging him behind bars:

A federal prison guard was charged Tuesday with having an illegal affair with an inmate convicted in one of New York's most notorious police killings, later becoming pregnant with his child.       

[…]

Gonzalez was seen by other inmates going in and out of Wilson's cell starting in March, meeting him in a vacant activity room next to his cell when other inmates were supposed to be sleeping.

Usually I refrain from passing judgment on others, but she must be one burnt cookie. Over the years I’ve spent incarcerated, I’ve definitely run into a few slags working for Corrections, even a few nontraditional men lookin’ to get their dinky stinky. My most recent haunt in the bucolic burbs of NYC had a couple COs who got their jollies messin’ with convicts and supposedly jerkin’ ’em off between the cell bars.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—some COs are severe scumbags. They have complete control over their inmates, and pretty much all they have to do to get that job is take a test and make sure there’s no felonies on their records. COs have this weapon called “disobeying a direct order” that essentially allows them to do whatever they want to you, and some of them abuse this directive thoroughly. Let’s say they hate you ’cause you wear your pants around your ankles and diddy-bop around the dorm like you’re King Felix or something; the CO can order you to scrub a shitty toilet even though it’s not your job. If you refuse, you might get a ticket for disobeying a direct order, which will cost anywhere between $5 and $25—and that’s a ton of money in jail, so them shits hurt. A ticket like that can be beat at a hearing where you sit with a sergeant or lieutenant, but if those dudes don’t like you or like looking at the CO’s tits you’re shit out of luck.

You’d have to be a real foul bitch to go work at a jail in search of man meat. I’ve known a couple of broads who did this. One of them looked normal and was pretty cool but was sick in the head to the point of constantly pursuing inmates. An unreliable jailhouse rumor had it she made Black Rob (of “Like Whoa” fame) spray jizm when he was serving at Hale Creek Correctional. She used to hold this body-buildin’ Dominican’s hand during group therapy in front of everyone and got fired eventually, probably for being insane.

Another example of sleaziness was a civilian broad who worked prerelease, meaning she used to help inmates find housing and money and shit when they were ready to go home. She was notorious for two things: a fat stomach hangin’ over her funk box, and trading sucky-lick favors. Convicts are known for freestyling their stories so who knows if she was really open for business? However, she did get fired, and an acquaintance of mine says he still hits her off for money in the real world. Play on, player!

Jail myths abound about inmates getting vengeance on COs. There’s the story about the dude who was suckin’ a CO’s joint on the regular until one day he got sick of it and bit it off. There’s also the famous female inmate who sucked a CO off and then spit it on the desk when the sergeant came into the dorm and asked them to test the DNA. Supposedly they did, let her out, fired the CO, and she got paid. Those stories sound like bullshit to me, but who knows? Every inmate in New York has heard them.

A CO once tried to suck my dick and threatened to max me out on my three-to-n-ne year sentence if I didn’t comply. He used to constantly make jerking-off motions at me and wink and shit… I don’t know if he was serious or not, but I was ready to go for a lawsuit if he ever pulled some shit.

Back to the story at hand—who can really blame Ronell Wilson, the cop-killing inmate who was getting busy with the CO? He could be facing the death penalty, which means he’ll never get pussy again. Every normal person needs to fuck something… But does this chick who’s having his baby really deserve 15 years for being an unrepentant convict banger? No, not at all. She has to live with herself and this little bastard baby she is bringing into the world, which sounds like punishment enough. Just fire the silly broad and let her slag on in a more appropriate hookering environment.

The sad thing is, even if Corrections only hired employees who are actually decent human beings, 100 percent, A-plus, God-fearing citizens—after working and living in such a fucked environment with so many scumbags and having all that power over them is bound to tempt and twist some of those guards. I’ve seen people lose their mind in prison, inmates and staff alike. It’s so bad that there’s a new condition related to PTSD acknowledged by some people called Post Incarceration Syndrome. That’s for inmates, but I bet some of the guards have something like that too… Just one more reason to stay the fuck out of prison, even if you’re not an inmate.

Bert Burykill is the pseudonym of our prison correspondent, who has spent time in a number of prisons in New York State. He tweets here

Previously: Rehab or Prison?

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