Pen Pals

Let a Prisoner Get Some Pussy

By Bert Burykill

One of the most counterintuitive things about prisons in New York is that special sexytime conjugal visits are only allowed at maximum-security prisons. As a rule of thumb, you go to a max for a violent crime, or if your sentence is six or more years. When you get down under five years to your earliest release you might get transferred to a medium, which means you lose your trailer visits and your pussy rights. I was locked up in a medium with a guy about my age who was smaller than me (about five foot five) and borderline retarded, but (no homo) a good-looking fellow. He was serving a ten flat, so he started out at Clinton (a max) where he bagged a hunch-backed six-foot Amazonian with a gorilla jaw who was at least ten years older than him, and they made a kid. By the time he was with me at the medium the kid was like five years old and his dad had been in prison his whole life. That is not a good system, and it happens all too often. Then there’s me, who got caught for a non-violent crime and just had a couple years. Even if I could have enjoyed just a couple trailer visits during that time, the relationship with my bonerabelle would have remained MUCH fucking stronger. A lil’ bone session goes a longass way, lo mein?

Conjugal visits are totally fuckin’ amazing. I spent at least half of my time in prison thinking about getting knee deep in some good pussy or receiving some mean mouth from a suck master. If New York’s Department of Correctional Services is going to be nice enough to offer conjugals, they might as well let dudes in the medium-security spots get ‘em, too. This is how fucked current policy is: If you behave at a max you will lose your sexytime when your classification drops and you go to a medium. If you fuck up and get disciplinary tickets at a max you might miss a couple conjugals as punishment, but it’s likely your classification will stay max and you can keep slingin’ meat at the stabbin’ cabin. There are only a couple medium-security spots with conjugals and the rumors pretty much all agree that their Family Reunion Program will eventually be shut down.

I always wonder what happens when a dude’s wife brings the kids. I used to work maintenance at Clinton outside “the wall” in Dannemora, and we had a perfect view of the trailers. I remember seeing little kids playing out front or sitting on the steps for hours on end while some woman-in-need’s rectum got wrecked. (Guys who’ve been in prison for a while are only interested in banging chicks in the baby starfish. Some sorta psychological madness about punishing everyone around us ‘cause we feel so bad about our punishment. We like suffering. If the lady likes butt sex, then we'll start pissing on her or creating simulated hate/rape fuck scenarios with overly-aggressive choking games. News Flash: Extreme Deprivation Turns Inmates into Sexual Deviants.)

It wasn’t always this way. Back in the 80s, low-security inmates could visit home on furloughs, and barely caused any trouble at all. Unfortunately a couple douchebags fucked it up for everyone and conjugals became our only way to get some love. But in New York, they only benefited inmates in the maximums so all the low-level criminals, who are the majority in New York, are getting their family lives ruined.

As of a year ago, NYSDOCS even allows same-sex trailer visits for married—“civil unioned,” whatever—couples. It beats the shit out of me whether the gays have taken advantage of this yet. Of course, most prison wardens will allow inmates to get married while they are incarcerated so it’s possible a whole messload of locked-up gays took the plunge in the past year and now they’re goin’ fuckin’ ape every three months up there in the maxes, and there’s really no way to know. I would fancy interviewing some of these fine fellows if I could find them.

If you read the “comment boards” on that above linked same-sex conjugal visit article, it’s hilarious how up in arms the conservative constituency is that gay people are getting to fuck behind bars with someone they love from the outside. Yet at the same time they get a kick out of always telling cute jokes about how all inmates bone each other and how funny it is that Bubba the Booty Bandit wreaks havoc on helpless buttholes. “Don’t drop the soap!” always gets a good chuckle out of an ignorant redneck.

I think conjugal visits are a great thing—I just wish they were given to inmates who are more deserving than the ones who currently have access to them. Ideally, work release and furloughs would be extended to more lower-security inmates so people could try to keep their lives together, but the stupid penologists fuck that up, too. It’s almost a daily occurrence in prison that someone’s wife leaves him, or his kid gets so angry at him that the kid doesn’t want to talk anymore. Prison ruins people’s lives. The saddest part is that once a woman on the outside can’t take the loneliness anymore and decides to fuck someone else, and the relationship becomes strained beyond repair, it’s ultimately the children who will suffer in the long run.

There is no denying that prisons are directly correlated to the high rates of kids growing up in single-parent households in certain high-crime neighborhoods. It’s a downward spiral that won’t fix itself. Lots of times, I think just spending one night together could remind a lot of separated-by-incarceration couples why they love each other and potentially provide the glue to save relationships and strengthen communities. Plus, it’ll feel fuckin’ amazing. To demonstrate, here’s a clip of me dreaming I once got a trailer visit for a night:

Previously - Gang Bangin' Behind the Fence

@BuryKill

 

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