Dogmageddon

People Who Love God Also Love Porn

By Rick Paulas


Photo via

Very quickly, before we get into the roundup: hey, look! The residents of “religious” cities watch just about the same amount of porn as us godless heathens in progressive cities like San Francisco and Boston.

The study is the result of adult website PornHub crunching the numbers of where their users are located and when they're using it. The when part is actually an interesting difference between the believers and the nons:

“The biggest differences between the two grew directly out of religious observances or beliefs. For example, the very religious folks were far less likely to indulge on Christmas, which makes sense (or maybe it’s just harder to sneak away from loved ones on holidays).”

As a person who grew up Catholic, I can assure you that the reason for such holiday abstinence is most certainly the latter explanation.

A final fun result from the study: those living in religious cities just love squirt videos!

Onto the roundup!

- Two Islamist fundamentalists armed with butcher knives attacked a London military barracks and killed one soldier, all the while shouting “God is great” in Arabic and announcing they performed the attacks in retaliation to British soldiers killing Muslims in Afghanistan. In response, there's been a pretty big anti-Islam backlash in the country, with far-right groups marching in the streets in a mob-like protest. Maybe related? A French soldier was stabbed in the neck by a North African wearing an Arab tunic.

- The pope has decreed that God even likes the atheists out there. Hooray! Also, that “this Blood makes us children of God of the first class.” Creepy!

- Dominique Venner, a 78-year-old far-right Catholic activist, went to the altar at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris and committed suicide, reportedly in protest over same-sex marriage. A Vatican rep responded by saying the suicide makes opponents of gay marriage look like “kooks.”

- A school board in Springboro, Ohio, is mulling over whether or not they should be allowed to teach creationism in their schools, in order to tell both sides of the story. (Evolution being the other side.) Which means maybe on top of teaching about gravity, they should also teach an “alternative science” theory where there's a giant magnet embedded in Earth's core?

- Whenever a huge natural disaster hits, like last week's category F5 tornado in Oklahoma, it's a race to see which religious nut claims this was a message from God. The winner this time out, Pastor John Piper from Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis, who tweeted out some mentions about Biblical hero Job's plight.

- This was from last week, but certainly deserves a mention: Anna Pierre, a mayoral candidate for North Miami, proclaimed she got a ringing endorsement from one of the biggest movers-and-shakers in all of politics, Jesus Christ. Oh yes, she lost the election.

- Yemen's main oil pipeline was attacked by a group of “subversives,” all signs of which point to al Qaeda. Mokhtar Belmokhtar, a leader of al Qaeda, also claimed responsibility for a pair of suicide bombings in Niger that left at least 30 dead.

- Attorney General Erik Holder had admitted that US drones killed four Americans since they began being used in 2009. This is the first acknowledgment by the Obama administration. Obama himself, meanwhile, got heckled during a speech regarding the use of drones and how Guantanamo Bay is being handled.

- It's not yet clear what the religious beliefs are of the man who shot 32-year-old Mark Carson in New York City's Greenwich Village last week for being gay, or the beliefs of those responsible for the subsequent antigay attacks in the city, but if you're playing the odds here, what are you going to choose?

- A Catholic priest in Florida was sentenced to life for having sex with a 14-year-old boy. Also fun: the church paid $1 million to the boy's family in a civic suit, which is really where all those collection plate donations are going, folks.

- Want to see a naked man riding a scooter carrying a crucifix? Of course you do.

- Antigay activist John Stemberger has created a campaign called “On My Honor” that attempts to keep the gays out of the Boy Scouts. In addition, he wants people to stop using the word “gay” because it's inappropriate. By the way, the Boy Scouts finally lifted their ban on gay members. (Although gay scout leaders are still big no-nos.)

- According to insane Minnesota Representative Michele Bachmann, God is going to answer our prayers by repealing Obamacare. Because one thing our Lord would certainly just fucking hate is our brothers and sisters getting medical care. Another thing the Jesus doesn't like, according to Republican Representative Stephen Fincher from Tennessee? Food stamps.

- And Our Person of the Week: Rebecca Vitsmun, a survivor of the Oklahoma tornado, who responded to CNN's Wolf Blitzer's not-really-a-question-at-all question about if she “thanked the Lord” after being saved, she responded “I'm an atheist.” (Glenn Beck, hilariously, thinks she was planted by an atheist-leaning CNN.) In response, a group of atheists started an Indiegogo page to help get the family back on their feet. So far, it's raised over $80,000.

- And Our Bonus Person of the Week: Juan Mendez, an Arizona state representative, who decided to forgo the normal preassembly prayer session by asking his fellow reps to not bow their heads. Instead, he spoke a bit about secular humanism. “I hope today marks the beginning of a new era in which Arizona's nonbelievers can feel as welcome and valued here as believers,” Mendez said. Well done, sir.

Previously - Don't Bet on the Apocalypse

Comments