Political Commentators I'd Like Morrissey to Write a Song About

By Luke Winkie

[Photoshop By Charlie Ambler]

James Carville
Song Title: “In The Lair of the Lizard King”
This is the smoky, rough-and-tumble rocker. Lots of strings, maybe a vaguely rootsy vibe. It’s a character portrait; Morrissey is desperately trying to sort his feelings out for James Carville. His weird serpentine glamour both arresting and aesthetically resistant. Morrissey debates himself, his taste, his lust, and his candor. Eventually he decides that he can’t contradict matters of the heart, and accepts James’ invitation back to his wooden bayou house on the Lousiana coastline. It turns out James Carville has an excellent record collection. The southern drawl seeps into his pro-social rhetoric, and they fall in love forever and ever. The listener has no idea it is James Carville until Morrissey rhymes “ziggurat” with “southern democrat.”

Brian Williams
Song Title: “The Bourbon-Haired Saint”
We open with a drift of disciplined piano notes, and a cascading, anxious guitar. Brian Williams is the world’s reassurer, but who reassures the reassurer? Moz tells us of Brian Williams lonely car-ride home, as he questions all the flimsy truths he just let loose on the world. A single tear rolls down his eye as the parking attendant asks for his autograph. At this point it becomes clear that Morrissey is using his coined “Bourbon-Haired Saint” in wicked spite, and the listener ponders why on earth Morrissey hates the NBC Nightly News anchor with such profound vitriol. As the horns pick up, he describes in detail how Brian Williams lets all of the animals in his house run wild and free into the neighbors yard. Brian Williams ignores both his wife and kids, and slowly cries himself to sleep. The trombone lingers for another 45 seconds.

Read the rest over at Noisey

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