Would You Rather Have AIDS or Eat Only McRibs For the Rest of Your Life?
Jul 3 2012
Look, we all know McRibs are absolutely delicious. Nobody is debating that. But, sadly, if you were to eat strictly McRibs and nothing else three times a day, you’d probably be as dead as the bits of yoga mats they put inside the sandwich in less than a year. AIDS, on the other hand, is a largely treatable disease, and one that catapults you into a whole new dating pool complete with singles ready to mingle and a dating site that’s way better than OkCupid.
In recent years the hysteria surrounding AIDS has subsided, but the hysteria around the McRib has not. It’s popular as shit. Every time McDonald’s announces its resurrection, young and old alike get in line to pay actual moneys to eat a thing that is probably dicier, health-wise, than grabbing a rat from the subway tracks and eating it raw. (OK, maybe not raw, but DEFINITELY cooked. Grilled rat is considered a delicacy in some cultures, you snob.) We decided to ask the man on the street which he preferred: AIDS, or McRibs?
Hansel, skateboarder and photographer: Maybe McRibs. I’d just die early. You can probably die early with both… I don’t want AIDS.
You’d still get liver diseases.
Yeah, but with AIDS you have to go to the doctor all the time. With both you’ll die quicker.
You’re probably going to have to go to the doctor all the time if you eat McRibs till the end of your days too.
So… how about neither?
David, intern: Eating McRibs. I love it! Who doesn’t like eating?
I mean in this scenario you can’t eat anything but that for the rest of your life.
Well, AIDS then, perhaps. Maybe it’s because I like to have options to eat, rather than just eating McRibs. But I don’t want AIDS.
The restriction is only on food—you can drink whatever you want.
Taylor, actress: Wait, like eating them just once?
No, until you die. Nothing but McRibs.
Taylor: I want AIDS.
Stephanie, dancer: AIDS. You get free drugs, if you have insurance.
Not quite sure that those would be the fun kind of drugs.
Taylor: Yeah, I don’t know about the drugs. I need more variety and McRibs are disgusting; I don’t want to be eating McDonald’s for the rest of my life.
Stephanie: I never eat McDonald’s, unless I’m like shiiitfaced.
Kaylee: Oh God. I think the McRibs. I think it’s better than the alternative.
Bear in mind that the McRibs option doesn’t make you invulnerable to stomach problems.
Oh. Gross. I’d still pick the McRibs. Can I still drink healthy juices?
Sure, anything. Just no other solid foods.
Yeah, I’d take that then.
Michelle, student: Eating McRibs. I eat McRibs.
Have you seen Supersize Me?
Yeah. Well, I’ve heard of it.
It’s a documentary about a guy who decides to see what happens if he only eats McDonald’s for a month. He almost dies.
I’d still eat McRibs. I don’t really care about food. I’m not a connoisseur or anything.
You can drink anything you want, too.
Oh, sweet! That’s totally the option I’d choose.
And what about you?
Derek, student: Um… uh… it kind of sucks to eat McRibs, but um, I guess I’d do that. Yeah, they both suck.
You’d probably get worms in your stomach.
Michelle: He doesn’t want to give me AIDS.
Derek: I don’t know; I feel like the body does a lot to protect you from crappy things. People eat all kinds of shit and we’re still able to function.
I don’t know. I don’t like meat, so I’d rather have AIDS.
Martin: I don’t want to give my money to McDonald’s. One time in Brussels, the cashier gave me shit because of a spot on a bill.
Romain: Fuck the corporation.
Dylan: AIDS, because I hate McDonald’s. It’s gross.
So you’d rather have AIDS?
Yeah. You’re gonna die either way if you’re eating McDonald’s for the rest of your life.
And you’re going to be fat; and you’re going to die. You’ll suffer as bad if you eat McDonald’s every day.
Abi: I also choose AIDS. I love burgers, but I hate McDonald’s.
Dylan: I’d starve to death, because I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to eat McDonald’s every day.
But you can drink whatever you want.
Dylan: Yeah, still no.
Abi: No money to McDonald’s. It’s a fucking industry.
Rosalie: McRibs. I don’t know, would you like have negative health effects from the McRibs?
Rosalie: I don’t know, I’d probably like to research which one would be more torturous and horrible.
Well if you had to make a decision right now, which would you pick?
Rosalie: Probably the McRibs, because eating McRibs for the rest of your life doesn’t have connotations and you can’t pass it on to other people.
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