Which Dinosaur Is the Sexiest?
Aug 8 2012
Welcome to Question of the Day. Giant reptiles love the D.
Some billionaire guy from Australia named Clive has called a press conference for this Friday, where it's rumored that he'll reveal his intentions to build a real-life Jurassic Park. Obviously this would be an outlandish thing for anyone to announce, but then again this is a man who has also commissioned a Chinese company to rebuild a life-size replica of the Titanic.
So, with hopes running high among the dinosaur-loving community that Clive will make all their dreams come true, we took to the streets to ask the burning question: Which dinosaur is the sexiest?
VICE: Which dinosaur is the sexiest dinosaur?
Jessica, 26, makeup artist: Yuck, none. I hate them. You mean, like, which one would I have sex with?
Well, which ones are hottest.
The T. rex is the king of all dinosaurs, so I guess the T. rex.
Is power sexy to you?
Yeah, it’s definitely a turn on. Looks, too.
Do you think the T. Rex is good looking?
Compared to some dinosaurs, but it has weird arms.
Matt, 23, photographer: That’s a hard question. Probably a Triceratops, like in The Land Before Time.
That one is a child dinosaur.
I’m talking about the mom.
What other dinosaurs do you know?
Um, the Stegosaurus.
Would you fuck it?
Nah, it’s extinct man.
Ken, 50: An alligator.
That’s kind of boring. Is it even a proper dinosaur? Choose an extinct one.
Oh, OK. I like the Diplodocus. I don’t know why. Maybe it's just the name.
I agree, it’s a sexy name. There is a DJ called Diplo, have you heard of him?
He’s not very sexy anyway.
What dinosaurs do you find sexy?
Me? Oh, I like the woolly mammoth, actually. Although I guess it's not technically a dinosaur.
Why is that?
Because it’s the only one with hair.
That we know of, there might be others.
They would have discovered them by now, Ken. It’s been millions of years.
Jose, 25: Definitely a Velociraptor.
Wow, you sound enthused. What is it about the Velociraptor that’s so sexy?
It’s small and sleek and it makes a screech like a girl when you’re having sex.
Really? How do you know that?
It’s on Jurassic Park.
Alex, 25, sales assistant: A Velociraptor. That’s sexy. The name is sexy.
I don’t think it is. Did you know that all Velociraptors are male?
Really? That’s crazy. Is that why they all went extinct?
Yes... No, I’m lying.
Oh, you got me. Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay. I bet some dinosaurs were.
Sarah, 22: Barney! Barney was a dinosaur.
And is he sexy?
No. He’s cute, and he’s my favorite color, but he is really not sexy.
What would Barney have to do to appeal to you sexually?
Well, I bet he’s rich, because he was on TV, so I’d go out on a date with him.
That’s a bit shallow. What about his personality?
He was a knob.
Wayne, 24: The one with the long neck.
Which one? Brontosaurus?
Yeah, that one is sexy.
And why is that?
It’s the long neck. It would be very useful.
Can you elaborate?
Long-distance head! [Laughs]
It’s dick is probably long, too! You could give distance head to it as well.
That is disgusting.
Previously – Which Album Would You Listen to for the Rest of Your Life?
I Dressed Like an Idiot at Fashion Week to See How Easy It Is to Get Street-Snapped
The Ultimate Basic Bitch Tournament
The Future of Our Gay Neighborhoods
VICE Vs Video Games: It’s Not Enough to Make 'Good' Video Games Anymore
There's a Social Network That Costs $9,000 to Join
The Islamic State Threatened America by Making a Shitty Video
The Atheist Movement Needs to Disown Richard Dawkins
Police Keep Raiding Australia's Cannabis Capital
Portraits from the Biggest Flea Market in Prague (and Maybe Europe)
Tao of Terence: Psychedelic Drugs, Art, Music, and Other Drugs: An Interview with Finn McKenna