How Do You Feel About Snooki Being with Child?

Snooki, the frequently-drunk, always-televised “guidette” who has become so famous she only has one name, like Madonna or Sting or Thor, is now (probably) pregnant. How do you feel about that, people who are walking around Manhattan in the middle of the afternoon?

VICE: Did you hear that Snooki is probably pregnant?
Andre: If she's not then she should holler at me, because I don't miss.

Do you think Snooki will change if she has a baby?
Hopefully it creates a change in her life and she grows. For a lot of people having a child is an experience and forces you to grow out of bad habits.

You think that will happen to her?
Maybe she will become more critical of her actions and more responsible. It'll cause her to grow up a little bit and not just live her life based on partying.

Do you think that Snooki is pregnant?
Jelani: She could be. That's weird. She's not mother material. She's still a child.

What advice do you have for a pregnant Snooki?
Get your shit together.

Who do you think is the father?
Jionni [LaValle, Snooki's boyfriend], or anyone she picked up at Karma.

What do you think the baby will look like?
Oh my God. It's going to look like her. It's going to be a meatball. Jionni's not tall. Vinny's not tall. Anybody she messes with isn't tall.

Hi. Do you know who Snooki is?
Patrick: Unfortunately.

What do you think about the possibility of her being with child?
I'm more of a philosophical type. I thought you were going to ask me a more serious question.

Hold on. I'm getting there. What do you think about the obsession the public has with her alleged pregnancy?
That's a better question. It distracts us from the real issues. For the same reason that someone who had 14 children is news for a week, but global news and global politics is something that gets no type of coverage.

Do you think the government and the entertainment industry are in cahoots with each other?
Definitely.

So do you think Snooki purposely got pregnant for the government?
No, I'm not that much of a conspiracy theorist. But I think it provided a golden opportunity.

Do you believe the rumors that Snooki is pregnant?
Gabriel: It has to be true. She's too crazy. She drinks way too much.

Any ideas about the father?
It could be anyone. Maybe Vinny? The baby could look like anybody. It could be Mike's [the “Situation”].

It could be Mike's, yeah.
Then the baby's going to come out with abs.

Have you heard that Snooki is pregnant?
Jessica: If she is, good for her. It shows that she should be more responsible. You can't just go around having sex with everybody. She doesn't really present herself well. Anybody who does that, I'm sorry to hurt your feelings.

So it should be a lesson?
Not really a lesson, not even a punishment, but even if it is just a scare then it's an eye opener to protect herself.

What should she do with the baby?
She should keep it. If you made a mistake for having unprotected sex or the condom broke or whatever the hell happened, you can't just go around aborting babies.

How do you think the baby's life will be?
If she continues the same lifestyle that she has then that baby is going to have some serious problems. The baby is going to follow her example and it's not going to lead to anything good.

Do you think she might secretly be a good mother?
If she takes responsibility, maybe. It depends on whether her family supports her and how they treated her when she was a child.

How do you think she was treated growing up?
I think they gave her too much freedom. If that was my daughter and I saw her on TV, I would say, “What the hell are you doing, you're on TV and the world is seeing your damn vajayjay! Seriously? What are they going to call you?” If I were her parent, I would be ashamed. Having sex? Cheating on her boyfriend? Drinking every night? No. No. Why would you do that on TV?

Wow.
I'm sorry. This conversation provoked a lot of emotion.

Previously – What Part of a Person Would You Eat First?