How was your Valentine’s Day? Did you go out and have a romantic dinner and exchange sweet, thoughtful gifts and shower your lover with rose petals and bang gently in a bubble bath surrounded by candles while Barry White played at an appropriate volume until you both orgasmed at the same moment? Well, fuck you. A lot of us spent the most Hallmark day of the year crying and gazing at photos of lost loves. Today we woke up, our fractured hearts somewhere in our stomachs, and faced another innumerable day in our lonely lives. To help us cope, we asked some strangers how to cure heartbreak.
Marissa: The best cure for a heartbreak is ice cream.
Any particular kind?
No, just whatever you prefer.
Jose: I think the best cure for a heartbreak is music. Music always helps.
What kind of music?
Any kind of music that just puts you in the zone. I don’t know how to describe it.
Joe: My best cure for a broken heart is talking it out with a close friend. Just talking out the problems, you know, getting over it.
Is there a particular person you talk to?
My friend Ephraim.
Colleen: My favorite cure for the broken heart is a box of wine.
No, straight from the bag!
Beth: My cure for a broken heart is friends, family, and faith.
That’s a wholesome response.
It is. But we’re going for a splash right now, if you’d like to join us.
Emamn: I believe the best cure is definitely marijuana—medicinal marijuana. I got my heart broken last year, and I just smoked a lot of weed. Now I’m cool.
How long did it take, how much weed?
How much weed? I don’t really know ‘cause it was over a period of time and I was smoking multiple times a day.
Probably pounds by the end of the whole year. I was smoking a lot of weed.
Zach: I would recommend a liter of whiskey every other day, or something like that.
What would you do while you were boozing?
I’d listen to a lot of old jazz records from the 50s. That's gotten me through some hard stuff.
A lot of Slim Gaillard and other shit like that.
Previously – What's Your Favorite Curse Word