Yeah, yeah, yeah. Money can’t buy happiness. They all say that, but whoever the fuck “they” are obviously haven'tt had to stretch $20 over an entire week, contemplate selling an organ to pay bills, or have their entire day’s caloric intake consist of a $5 kabob-cart rice platter. We’re not saying you have to be Bill Gates-rich, but it would be nice to never have to deal with public transit. So, how much money would you actually need for the rest of your life? We asked some greedy bastards (and some people who have obviously never passed sixth grade math) how much money they would need to live high on the hog until they croak.
Jason: Millions? I don’t know, 20 mill?
I guess certain luxuries. I don’t know what I spend in a year. I guess I’d use it for going out to eat occasionally; you gotta update your wardrobe every now and then, home repairs, and that sort of thing.
Kayla: A million dollars. Maybe more? I don’t know. Like, $5 million?
What would you do with it?
I’d need it for food and for housing. My apartment, bills, and rent.
In the city? Not sure that’ll be enough.
OK, well a $100 million? I guess if I’m paying my own bills, I’d need over a $100 million. Wait, that’s like not even enough for me. I need it for food, bills, clothes, and other stuff… I guess over a $100 million. I’d probably work too, but if I have enough to support myself I’d just get a job I liked.
Moji: Like a billion dollars.
What would you spend it on?
I’d need it for life! I can spend a thousand dollars each day. With a billion dollars I can get anything! My life would change—I’d have everything. I'd have a Rolls Royce, a penthouse. It doesn’t need to be in Manhattan either.
Where would you live?
Roosevelt Island. I like that place. It’s really nice, it’s like a little island.
Sophia: Probably around $800,000.
Tiffany: No. It’d be in the millions.
Michelle: $1 billion.
That’s quite a variation.
Michelle: I wouldn’t work, though.
Tiffany: I’ll do half of yours, so like $500 million.
Sophia: That doesn’t make sense, right? So like, $80,000 a year would be, like, the biggest income. So like, a hundred years… Wait, no $8 million. I want to work though; I don’t want to just chill.
Michelle: I want a summer house and a mansion. I’d go shopping and sleep in it.
Sophia: I would buy an apartment to not pay rent. I’d use the suitcase money for random crap I don’t really need.
Clinton: Probably $3 million.
I’m not trying to be greedy with it. It’d be enough money to get out of the city, to live in the mountains in like Virginia or something.
Would you build your own house? Hunt for food? Stalk your prey like a creeping pedophile?
Yeah, but $3 million would cover food. I’d build my own house.
What would you spend your money on?
Crack. Just kidding. I don’t know what I’d do with it to be honest. I don’t know how much money I’d need to last forever.
I don’t think you’d last too long.
Ignacio: $2 million.
You people are too humble.
I just need to live. Have some fun too, you know. I mean, I don’t want everything; I just want to survive.
Would you live in the city?
I think so. I’d start a business with that money and produce my money with the business, and not just spend it.
You are a noble citizen of the world.
Matty Ice: OK, I’ve done the math for this: I’d need $1.5 million to invest in creating a natural habitat for all my traveling homies. To be entirely self-sufficient in like a village-manor in the mountains where you have like waterfalls and shit, and solar energy.
Not really, just a cool idea. I have a design for a house that can be entirely self-sufficient that can have small amounts of electricity going through it based on the solar and hydro-power, as well, you wouldn’t need any sort of AC or heating system in it, because of the dynamic of how the house would be set up.
Fishing. It would be kosher depending on what the wildlife in the area is like, if there are deer and all that. We’d hunt if it came to that.
Why not use the cash for grocery shopping?
Why would you need cash? Cash is like a materialistic brainwashing device. I play guitar in the streets for a living and I don’t need money because people give you shit all day. Money is essentially just a digit, a number made up to control.
Previously - Is There an Afterlife for Animals?