Question of the Day

What Do Your Shoes Say About Your Sex Life?

New York Fashion Week Edition

By VICE Staff

We all judge people by their appearance, especially when it comes to potential naked buddies, which brings up a question: What's the best way to judge people's appearance? The easiest thing to do is look at the hair and the shoes, especially the shoes. Most folks wear the same few pairs of shoes over and over, and inevitably they acquire some of the wearer's character; how someone takes care of their shoes tells you a lot—sometimes too much—about how they takes care of himself. And what are we looking for, in particular, when we look down at your feet coverings? How good you would be in bed, of course. We asked a few of the fashionable types in New York for Fashion Week what they thought of the shoes–sex connection.

William Buckley, fashion director at MR magazine: I don’t really know, I haven’t paid too much attention of the shoes of my lovers. But there was this one guy who I used to see at the club, and only at the club, and he was really cute. We got to talking every Friday night, and eventually we ended up going home together. I woke up in the morning and saw that he had square-toed, ugly shoes. And I was like, “Oh, no—that’s it,” and never spoke to him again.

But he was very boring in bed, so maybe that’s the thing—maybe the more boring the shoes, the more boring they are. And the more adventurous and crazy people are in their footwear, the more adventurous they are in bed. But that’s only a theory.

Have you been noticing shoes more often since that incident with the guy at the club?
I always pay attention, but I’ve had a boyfriend for three years so my interest in that area has tapered off a little bit. But my boyfriend wears very adventurous shoes.

Does he have any square-toed shoes?
None.

Interesting.
Very interesting.


Tricia, creative director

Let me throw out a few types of shoes and let me know what you think it says about a person and their love-making capabilities. Pointy shoes?
She’s a kicker.

Flat shoes?
Dull.

Platform sneakers?
Aerobic.

Strappy ankle boots?
Attention to detail.

Creepers?
A quickie.

Snow boots?
Warm and cuddly.

Birkenstocks?
Eats in bed.

Nina, marketing manager: I don’t really look at shoes, but still, I think when a guy’s shoes aren’t all that…how do I say it… I don’t think it’s good if they have sophisticated shoes. 

Have you had any experiences with any guys or ladies where you noticed this guy or gal was good in bed, and they wore a particular kind of shoe?
No, no. It’s guys for sure. But I don’t really look at shoes.

Julien Tell, freelance photographer: I guess if they’re clean or not. [giggles] If a girl is wearing heels then she’s like, down to do anything, like she’s pretty good in bed.

Why do you say that?
I’ve never worn heels but I feel like when girls wear heels, they’re pretty ambitious with sex.

So are you saying that girls that wear flats are virgins?
No, not exactly.

Well, then what about girls that wear flats?
I guess they’re more conservative…

Tell us about the kind of people you like to fuck—what kind of shoes do they wear?
They actually wear really bad shoes, but I guess nice black boots?

What’s a bad shoe to you?
Dirty sneakers.

What’s a good shoe to you?
I like a Chelsea boot or shoes from Alexander Wang. 

Previously - What Did You Eat Today?

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