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      What Music Should You Play at an Orgy?

      September 28, 2012
      From the column 'Question of the Day'

      So you’re ready to have an orgy. You sent the mass email to your attractive and up-for-it friends, you figured out the logistics and set up a time when the kids would be with their dad, you made sure that Davey isn’t bringing any of his weird friends after what happened last time. You guys have set ground rules and everyone’s talked about boundaries and consent and so on; you’ve sheathed the nice couches in plastic so they don’t get stained; you bought booze and poppers and condoms and toys and some light snacks—Marina is bringing some celery stuffed with cream cheese. So you’re all set! Except, shit. What music are you going to play? You have to put something on—an orgy without music would be creepy and awkward. But you can’t just throw on iTunes shuffle or Pandora either, because you don’t want to risk something like Radiohead coming on and bringing everyone out. You have to carefully curate that playlist to make sure everyone stays focused and in the mood. So what do you play during your orgy?

      Note: All the men we asked this question to answered IMMEDIATELY, like they had been thinking about it already.

      Johnny, Google employee: Amy Winehouse.

      The fact that she’s dead won’t bother you?
      Not at all.

      Why Amy Winehouse?
      She has this song called “Do Me Good.” I think it’s the perfect orgy song.

      So just that one song on repeat?
      That would be the first one on a playlist of smooth Amy Winehouse gettin’-in-your-pants songs.

      J.P., unemployed: Gucci Mane.

      Anything else?
      I’d probably put “Same Damn Time” on repeat.

      River, owns a record label: I was actually thinking about this to be honest.

      Today?
      No, not today. Being quite a nymphomaniac, I do a lot of drugs and music. Lately I’ve been into Stevie Wonder. I want to get into some spiritual shit.

      A spiritual Stevie Wonder orgy?
      There’s this song called “As.” It’s about spiritual love. I’m not even talking about fuck her like you hate her. I’m talking about getting to know her at the deepest possible level, at the core.

      At an orgy?
      Oh, shit. So many heads. Imagine that shit. Getting to know the shit out of everyone. Fucking them for ten hours straight.

      Tess, sales associate at a clothing boutique: Tupac.

      Just Tupac?
      Just Tupac.

      Would that be sad because he’s dead?
      No. He would secretly be there.

      Trevor, music student: R. Kelly.

      Any particular R. Kelly albums or songs?
      What’s that one song?

      U Got It Bad”?
      No, that’s Usher. That one, you know. The R. Kelly song.

      Editor’s note: He’s probably talking about "Ignition (Remix).” And c'mon dude, that's the best you could come up with?

      Nick, student: Oh, for my orgy? I guess I’d say 80s heavy metal.

      What’s the perfect orgy song?
      Nothing but a Good Time” by Poison.

      Classy.

      Guzo, bartender and musician in a “rock ‘n’ roll band”: Old Black Sabbath.

      You were ready with that answer.
      It’s the only way. It gives me energy to slam her against the wall or slam them against the wall.

      Remind me not to join your orgy.

      Jessica, works in marketing: If it was a wild orgy, probably “Smack My Bitch Up” by... I can’t remember the name of the artist. If it was a more laid-back orgy, maybe something like Al Green to get everybody in the mood. Something old school.

      Casey, another marketing person: Some really good 80s songs to get everyone pumped up, or some R&B to really get everyone in the mood. It depends what kind of orgy you want.

      What kind of orgy do you want?
      I’m undecided. Probably the R&B one.

      Who is the best R&B artist to play during an orgy?
      Usher.

      Previously:

      Would You Rather Fight a Horse-Sized Duck or a Hundred Duck-Sized Horses?

      What's the Rudest Anyone's Ever Been to You?

      What's the Worst Band of All Time?

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