This Sunday was the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. Between that bit of nostalgia and Leonardo DiCaprio drawing Kate Winslet's boobs in 3D on the big screen, the world has been deluged with stories about the ship—like did you know this guy bought an original ticket to the launch of the ship for $56,250? It's easy for us 21st century landlubbers to paint a romantic picture of the great vessel in our brains, but what if you were actually aboard the sinking beast? As the band played "Nearer, My God, to Thee" and the icy waters began to swallow the decks while screaming passengers boarded the few lifeboats available, what would you have done?
Kiandrathrone (Left): Oh girl, I'd steal somebody's raft, and make my way to freedom. I would be damned if I'd stand up there and freeze to death because this bitch didn't wanna move away from some iceberg.
Kendracanna (Right): If it was me, as the boat was going down, I'd go room to room and get all of the jewelry and money.
Kiandrathrone: See, that's when I get on the raft, and he's gonna run around and get the jewelry.
Mona: Probably trying to get laid, looking for the best wine in the house. Sounds like a good plan to start.
VICE: It's funny because everyone's been saying, "Oh, I'd fight for my life!" And I've been thinking, "No, I'd just get really drunk and try to get laid."
Yeah, get drunk, get laid, maybe find some music if that's possible, and have a party.
Jeff: First thing I would do… OK, so the Titanic's going down, no lifeboat, I'd probably find someone and try to see if I could float on them. If they're dead.
You'd float on dead bodies?
Do what you gotta do.
Jenia: Knowing myself, I'd probably be eating all of the food, talk to everybody, be like, "We're about to die, let's party it up."
Susan: I'd probably meet somebody and, like, you know, five minutes in the closet. Or two minutes in the closet, whatever time you have, and then come out, grab a bagel, and get ready to die.
Shantey: If I could get a pen and paper, I'd write a note, and I would write a letter to my grandmother, and my mother, who passed away already. I would write to my grandmother, "I'm sorry." And to my mother I'd write, "See you soon."
Where would you put it?
Shantey: On me, because they better find me. I'd stuff it in my bra.
Lamar: It'd get wet.
Shantey: I don't know! I'd put it somewhere on me, I have a lot of hiding places around. But I'm sure that they'd find it, I'd hope so.
That's the most interesting answer I've had all day.
Shantey: Write one for the past, one for the future. I know, it sounds a little depressing, right?
No, it doesn't sound depressing at all.
We're on medication, so we're a little out of it.
Oh, me too! It's cool.
But I would, if I got to a point where I had time, and I knew that there was no chance to live, I would take a few minutes and I would reflect on things. I would make peace with people I've come across, and ask them for forgiveness, and just really look forward to it. I would probably want to be alone, I wouldn't want to be around the people screaming and crying. I'd probably walk off and deal with it by myself. Not that I've thought about this before! But I have been watching that Titanic show.
Lamar: On the History Channel.
Shantey: I've thought about it. They had on Channel 11 this story about a guy who had a coat and took it off and gave it to someone in the life raft and said, "Can you give this to my family when you get there?" And they did, once they made it to America. And I thought about that. There was another person on the Titanic who wrote a letter and they mailed the letter before the Titanic sank, and his family got it, so I would have to write something.
Anita: Let me tell you something. It's the anniversary of a bunch of white people dying. That's what it is. There's a bunch more important things going on now, you know?