Welcome to Question of the Day. Uncovering the tortured victims of London's rude people.
I was in the post office this morning, patiently waiting to deliver a birthday present to my mom, when some absolute cretinous whore of a bitch accidentally stood on my toe. How fucking rude is that? Don't worry, I made sure to belittle her all the way to the door, watching her stumble off, weeping, as I threw rolls of packing tape and boxed envelopes at the back of her head.
She kept claiming it was just an accident and that I was the one being rude, but she was wrong. That's my main gripe with rude people: they just won't admit that they're rude. That said, we figured for today's Question of the Day there was no point in asking people how rude they had been to others, because, knowing how rude-people can be, they'd never admit to it. Instead, we turned it on its head and asked the people of London a different question: What’s the rudest anyone’s ever been to you?
Frankie, 36: I had just boned this guy (this is really scandalous) and I was putting my clothes back on, when he turned around really sheepishly and said, "How much do I owe you?"
VICE: Wow, he certainly knows how to charm a woman. Were you dressed particularly slutty?
No, not at all. It was more because I didn’t want to be there, so I just got it over and done with as quickly as possible and got out of the bedroom before he even stood up.
Were you tempted to take the money?
That’s what my friends said I should have done. He bought me a bunch of flowers because he felt so bad.
Dan, 34: I don’t think anyone has been rude to me.
Actually, people were horrible to me at school. I used to talk about how much I loved my pet chickens all the time and they made a T-shirt that said "I [buttfuck] my chickens." They said I had to pay for the T-shirt; that’s proper bullying. And, for the record, I wasn't banging my chickens.
Haha. Sorry, I have to laugh at that.
Paul, 38: You don’t want to know.
I do, that's why I asked you.
OK. Someone got me drunk and totally stoned out of my mind, then decided to try and fuck me.
That doesn't sound so bad.
Well, it was a boy and I'm not gay.
Ah, OK. What did you do?
I ran. I’ve never run like that before or since, trust me. The worst thing was that I thought he was a friend.
Rosetta, 20: I’ve been treated quite nicely. But, a long time ago, my friend secretly went out with my ex-boyfriend. They had a relationship and she didn’t tell me about it.
What a total bitch. Are you still friends with her?
Yeah, she’s one of my best friends.
Oh. Sorry for calling her bitch.
It’s OK. We were teenagers.
Jordan, 20: I don’t even know. I can’t remember.
Surely there's something you've been repressing for half your life that you want to share on the internet?
No, I’m always drunk when I have free time, so I can’t really remember if anyone’s rude to me. I really can’t. I just get on with it.
If you’re drunk all the time, maybe you're the one being rude?
Nah, I’m not rude. I’m nice.
Ross, 19: Someone gave me a cock slap when I was asleep.
Did you get all mad and try to cock slap them back when you woke up?
No, I don't think so. I was really pissed. I don’t really remember it very well. Although, I've got a good example of me being kind of rude: I was coming home from a rave last Saturday night, and I had to tell some women off.
Why? What did they do?
They called me a cunt. A "tie-dye cunt." I had a tie-dye top on, but I don't think that necessarily makes me a cunt.
I’d have probably said the same thing, to be honest.
Previously - Would You Publish Photos of Kate's Boobs?