Question of the Day

What's the Worst Lie You've Ever Told?

By VICE Staff

People are filthy fucking liars. Did you know that the average person tells upwards of 200 lies every day? It's true! Take us for example—we've already told two lies in this post, and we're only four sentences in! Point is, you should never believe anything anyone tells you ever, because chances are they're lying through their teeth. We hit the streets of Islamabad, Pakistan, to ask the natives what was the worst lie they ever told.

Mike: I was once in a club and there was this girl who I had been flirting with all night. I was thinking, "this is nice, this is awesome," but then the owner of the club took her to meet the DJ, and she got to know the DJ. So at the end of the night she was getting ready to leave with him and I thought, "shit," but then I thought, "Whatever, she is so hot that I don't even care." I was just going to remind her to call me anyway. I told her that in the hallway, but she was like, "I'm going home with him!" So I just yelled “FUCKING SLUT” real loud. So she walked away with the DJ, and the DJ was like, "What? What did I hear?" The owner of the club asked what I said, so I started talking in an English accent and played it off so I could come back again.

Wait, so you figured they wouldn’t ban you if they thought you were English? What happened?
They kicked me out, but I came back again and it was all good.

Did the girl ever call you?
No. There was never a phone call. After I said that I think she was over it. I got pissed off because I thought she was a cool, decent person. But whatever. It's in the past now.

Jess: This is going to be bad. I met this guy and this girl who were dating, and then the guy dumped the girl. Then the girl called me up one time and we hung out and I hooked up with said girl.

Uh oh.
Yeah, then I was hanging out with the guy and he said, “You have a sweet phone, can I look at it?” And so he looked at my texts and the last text that I got was from this girl and it said "I don't want to be just another girl you fucked," and this guy saw it. He was like, "Are you... did you?" And I'm in his apartment, hanging out.

So you're probably going to die, then.
And I was just like… “No!” What do you say in that position? You know he's not going to take it well. I instinctively lied. So he called her in front of me and asked her and she said yes. He started screaming and crying... it was the worst experience. Ever.

You made a guy cry?
Yes. And he doesn't want to be friends anymore. I probably should have told him, and I was working up to telling him, but I just instinctively said no.

Was the hookup worth the lost friendship?
No. Probably not. I mean, she was hot, but probably not worth the friendship. But at the same time, I don't think it was that big of a deal. It's a time of experimentation. And I was experimenting. With his ex-girlfriend.

Jared: I was drunk one time and—do you watch Friends at all? Do you know the story that Joey always tells to get someone to sleep with him?

No.
Oh, well there's a story he always tells where he is backpacking in the mountains and he tells that story to get women to sleep with him. So I was drunk and I told someone that story, where I was backpacking through the mountains of western Europe and saw a beautiful woman bathing and she was naked and she was crying.

Did it work?
I didn't end up sleeping with her.

Was it because of your story?
No, it was probably because of me.

Grace: I used a fake French accent to try and buy cigarettes in France. It was horrible and I failed miserably.

How old were you?
Fifteen. The guy told me to get out.

Why did you think it would work?
There is a smoking culture in France, and a lot of young kids smoke there. When I was in France I was 15 and I could buy cigarettes. I don't know the logic, but I thought it was going to work.

Stephanie: I told this guy I met at a club that I had just come from Japan and I didn't know English just so he would buy me drinks.

Did it work?
It did. I was amazed.

How did you fake being from Japan?
He started asking me for my number and I said "I'm sorry" in this Japanese accent and said I didn't have a phone and I leave tomorrow and I just wanted to have a good night out for the last time.

Did you ever hear from him again?
Nope.

Robert: I failed a class on my third college report card and remade it to say I didn't fail.

Did you get caught?
I didn't get caught. I admitted it. My mom was pretty upset, but it happens.

Previously - How did you find out about sex?

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