Why Is It So Hot?
Jun 20 2012
Man, it is hot today. Is it hot where you are? Jesus. The heat is coming off the pavement and the sun feels like… a sack of oranges on your back? But like furry, mushy oranges that cover you in foul-smelling sweat. Sorry. It’s too hot to think. Why is it so hot? Does anyone know?
Nicki, Bartender: Because God hates us.
That might be sort of true. Do you like this weather?
Not this hot.
Any tips to deal with it?
Wear as little clothing as possible, like me.
Alexa, wants to work for the ASPCA: That’s a really hard question. Why is it so hot out? I’m going to say just because it is.
So, just because?
Yeah, sorry. I’m not too clever.
That’s OK. What are you going to do to stay cool?
When it’s hot out, I sit in front of my AC all day with Charlie here.
Do Shar Pei dogs get extra hot?
Yes, my little Chinese dog gets very hot.
Skew, Web Developer: OK, this is for VICE? I feel like this answer needs to be really clever. It’s such an easy question but I can’t think.
A few weeks ago, I asked people what the internet was.
Are you serious? That would have been perfect for me. People call me the Internet King.
Who calls you that?
People from home.
Sorry, but you have to answer this question.
I’m going to say it’s so hot out because of the Blip Festival. It’s like an electronic festival that happened a while back where people play Gameboys and stuff. There was a Blip after-party at 285 Kent and it was pretty much the hottest thing I’ve ever been to. Ever since, it has just kept getting hotter.
How are you going to deal with the heat?
I’m actually on my way back home to Atlanta. It’s surprisingly cooler there.
Fabio, School Custodian: What? No English.
It’s really hot out. Do you know why?
Lots of light.
What are you going to do about it?
Go inside my house. I own this house.
Saime, street sweeper: Why is it so hot out? Well, it’s because God gave us all of this light so that we can sweat out all of the negative energy and bad luck.
Yes, I’m definitely sweating out of stuff. What do you do when it’s this hot out?
I look out for cool water and anything spiritual. If you become very spiritual you can do body channeling in the future, or whatever God wants you to do. If you do good by God, he will send you a soul mate.
Has god sent you a soul mate yet?
No, but I do have a vision of him.
What’s he look like?
Dark hair and blue eyes.
Shaniqua, special ed teacher: Fuck if I know!
How are you handling the heat?
Just stayin’ cute, that’s all.
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