SWANS
My Father Will Guide Me Up a Rope to the Sky
Young God |
 I actually avoided putting this on for fear of how embarrassing it was going to be, but instead of the taking Grandpa's license away moment I was expecting, I was rewarded with Grandpa crashing his Jeep through the house and killing the master vampire then walking over to the fridge and taking out a soda before saying the one thing he could never stomach about living in Santa Clara was all the damn vampires. Which is to say Michael Gira is putting heavier, more emotionally taxing music at my father's age than pretty much any musician of the past decade.
RIP COREY |
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ALL NIGHT DRUG PROWLING WOLVES
Make It Right
Gospel of Rhythm |
The Wolves are like your cool uncle’s bar band that your dad secretly wished he'd be invited to play in, but was too buttoned-down and responsible for. They get extraordinarily beer-drunk when they play and put their arms around each other and sing into each other’s faces and then kiss each other’s moppy heads. You know, really live it up. Make it count. On the music side, sometimes it’s fun to string together the chorus from each song and pretend it’s one huge conflicting song, like this: "I know I’m innocent/ I said I’m sorry/ Gonna make it right/ Maybe tomorrow/ I can’t wait!"
SMELLIS GROANS |
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NUDE BEACH
Nude Beach
Mandible Records |
Nude Beach are an optimistic poppy garage act with a loud screecher on the mic. They're not the future of jackshit but not every band has to save the world. This is a good show-up-drunk-and-have-a-nice-time band.
COLTON SMELL |
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VARIOUS ARTISTS
HoZac Hookup Club Round One
HoZac |
For their fiftieth release, HoZac put out a comp of their first ten singles, which have long been lost to the world of record misers. Flight, White Mystery, Idle Times, Box Elders, Woven Bones, Dum Dum Girls and more deliver twenty-one rad tracks that you will be glad to have all on one record, especially if you are a lazy DJ like I am.
FRILLY-BOY ELROY |
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EX HUMANS
Ex Humans
Rob's House |
There's a part in the Dan Clowes comic Death Ray where a character just getting into punk says "I like this music. It makes me want to kill people." If you are into punk, even just a little, this record should make you want to kill people, your friends, yourself, and every other shitty band and their gutless garbage. Every song is menacing and poppy like "Gary Gilmore's Eyes," but without the part where girls aren't really into it.
JON BALAYA |
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JOE HEBERT BAND
I Don't Wanna Be A Preppy B/w First Date
Last Laugh |
This is a repress of one of those snarly Killed By Death-style bands whose albums cost a thousand dollars to buy if you can even find them at all. The A side is a fun little angry love song about being in love with a preppy girl, an issue as relevant today as whatever grampa decade this was recorded in.
BIFF BIFFINGTON |
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LIMES
Rhinestone River
Goner |
 Limes are some country rockin' guys and country rock sucks pretty much all the time in every way.
ROZ ZAZA |
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PAPA ROACH
Time For Annihilation
Eleven Seven Music |
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TOTAL SLACKER
Crystal Necklace 7”
Impose
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This is a band led by a bowlcut young ponyboy who are running literal circles around all those other reverbed-out surfey-sounding groups and bonking their guitars against the walls of musical limitation as well as actual walls. They used to sell unique, hand burned CDs, each with its own original cover art, but this professionally made 7-inch is even better than those. Mostly in that you can make out all the sounds and words clearly and my computer doesn't barf it out as unreadable half the time, but also because its got their two best songs at present. It's a real mistress to magicians and a dancer to the gods. If you get what I'm saying.
WINKER |
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NO AGE
Everything In Between
Sub Pop |
No Age's popularity has always given me one of the most profound sensations of "I Don't Get It" since the advent of Pogs. But I'm totally down with this. No weird time signatures or tempo changes or stoney 20-second stretches of the same two notes--this is just good old-fashioned teenage driving music with a teensy little tad of moodiness. Wouldn't have seen this coming back in aught-seven, but I guess I officially like No Age now. I swear to god though, if this turns out to be some sort of five-year-long "Emperor's new clothes"-style poser test, I'm going to fucking kill myself.
CHELSEA MIDDLESCHOOLER |
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GRASS WIDOW
Past Time
Kill Rock Stars |
The problem with music that involves crazy interweaving instruments and voices and complicated harmonies is that takes musical skill, which means people obsessively learning and perfecting their parts, which means nerds, which means guys who are obsessed with stupid sci-fi crap or dwarves. Girl nerds, on the other hand, aren't into cornball shit, which leaves their amazing brains free to concentrate on making your inner ear do strange and exciting things. At least these girl nerds aren't.
MEGAN BELLAME |
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SLEEPOVERS
Secret b/w Sleepover Are Fun, Together Forever
Hozac |
As you can probably tell from the name, these guys get cute. This is catchy romantic pop with lots of whoa-a-whoas, sung in that whiny vocal style that turns into sonic poison the second you turn older than 24.
SHEILA EGRETS |
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DAX RIGGS
Say Goodnight To the World
Fat Possum |
Damn. This shit is boring. My roommate just asked if I was listening to Pink Floyd. What should I tell him? Fuck, now he's singing "Hello, hello, hello, is there anybody in there?" in a funny voice. Oh man, I'm dying. I can't even describe what it sounds like. Kind of like a really soft Donald Duck, but a little higher? Shit, I've got to go.
BARNABY |
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ELECTRIC BUNNIES
Pretty Joanna B/w I Swear I'll Never Let You Go
Sacred Bones |
I can't tell you if I like this record because it has the worst cover art I've ever seen and I'm afraid that might bias my decision.
RECUSE RECLUSE |
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CROCODILES
Sleep Forever
Fat Possum |
It warms my heart to think that while some music blogger is mashing Cool Ranch dust into his keyboard, tutting about how shallow music's gotten these days and how half these melodies are direct lifts from Neutral Milk Hotel songs, the target audience for this will be too busy drinking way-too-large swigs of straight vodka and going crazy in their friend's parents' house, then putting this on while they make out with two girls in the back of the old Plymouth out back to even notice.
UP THE HUNX |
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The Mare
A New Story by Mary Gaitskill 
Toppling a Delicate World
Being Gay and South Asian In America 
There's No Sex in Prison Showers
We Usually Wore Our Underwear 
Try Not to Destroy Your Life
The First Time I Took Molly 
Femen
Sextremism in Paris 
"Whitey" Isn't Very Popular in Boston
Interviews with Some of His Old Friends 
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