Are you over 18?

The stuff you're trying to look at is considered "naughty" by busybodies, legal types, and (probably) your mom, so we'd like to make sure you're of legal age before we let you see it.

No

Put a Sombrero on Your Dick with the Rock That Cock App

By Erica Euse

The last time I was excited about seeing a photo of a boner was in fourth-grade health class via a projector transparency from the 70s. Ever since that initial shock of just seeing a real wiener, images of dicks have just come off more goofy than sexy. Unfortunately, in the age of smart phones, women like me all across globe are plagued with shitty dick pics. We're sent unimpressive and often unsolicited schlong shots from horny dudes who think they are really doing something special by snapchatting a selfie of their one-eyed snake. Little do they know, their penis pics often become the butt of jokes between girl friends.

What dick pics need today is a little more creativity and fun—not trick photography to make their peckers look like giant phalluses from Monster Island terrorizing a metropolis. In order to combat the world's sad barrage of boring penis pics, Los Angeles natives Lauren Brenner and Stephanie Pool have developed a photo customization app called Rock That Cock. The app allows dudes to modify their cock photos with stickers and backgrounds. Lauren, a yoga instructor and comedian, and Stephanie, a creative strategist, have spent the past year creating the app. Soon men will be able to share an image of their Johnson being abducted by a UFO while wearing a Lil Jon face. As if that wasn’t enough, the duo will also be donating a percentage of the profits from Rock That Cock to prostate cancer.

In anticipation of the launch, Stephanie and Lauren have created a new Rock that Cock tumblr, where photos are posted of the customization options that will be available through the app. In order to find out more about how they plan to change the world’s standards for dick pics, I called up Lauren and Stephanie.

Classy Lauren Brenner and Stephanie Pool 

VICE: Why did you want to start Rock that Cock?
Lauren Brenner:
It seems like all of my girlfriends are inundated with dick pics. Technology is moving forward, and dick pics aren’t going away. In my ideal reality, they are just going to get amazing. I promise that dick pics now are just getting laughed at and shown to like 45 people. Why not be in on the joke and make it hilarious? It could be fun. It is all about spreading joy in the most ridiculous way. We are really close to a time where bros can send hilarious pictures of their dicks to one another. If you can send me a picture that makes me think you’re smart and funny and also slip in your big penis, that’s awesome.

Stephanie Pool: No one ever asks for dick pics. We are assaulted with them. We get a text message, and inside is a dick we didn’t ask for. If you are going to send me a dick pic, you might as well make me laugh. 

What’s your experience with dick pics?
Lauren: Many times you get unsolicited dick pics. I will be looking at my phone, and there’s a dick. I have seen really embarrassingly artsy dick pics where a tank top will be pulled to the side and one of his nipples is showing too. I want to help these guys out and give them tools to make their dick pics better. 

Have you had a positive response from men who want to use the app?
Lauren: They love it. Everyone I have talked to about it wants it. 

How exactly do you modify the pics?
Lauren: You can put your dick in a jersey. It can wear an engagement ring that you uploaded. You can put a sombrero on your dick if you’re on the beach in Mexico. You can use a stock penis, which is a papier-mâché penis, so it’s not too obscene. Or you can use a picture of your own penis and upload it to your own backdrop or a stock backdrop. People can take dick pics they have received, make them hilarious, and send them to their friends. 

Stephanie: We have a bevy of options, which include pre-designed backgrounds like your cock in Tahiti or your cock in a hammock. We also have stickers, like a wig or hat. Then we have the ability to upload whatever you want. For example, if you took a picture with your new Maserati and you want to replace your body with your dick—you can do that. Then you have the ability to publish it, so you can put it in your pictures folder or in a text message. Also, there is the anonymous ability to share to a public forum if you are proud of what you’ve done.

When I first watched the video, I didn’t think it was real. Have you had that response?
Lauren: Definitely. At first we were joking because we had witnessed an interaction with two girls. One girl was like, “This guy just sent me a dick pic to apologize,” and the other girl was like, “I get so many dick pics.” I was like, so many dick pics? How do you tell them a part? At first we were just going to make a parody video, but everyone wanted us to really do it.

So, a lot of the things that you see in the video are actually going to be available in the app?
Lauren: Totally. Some things that we don’t have in the video are little stickers. Those are pretty basic. Can you imagine, like, a four-leaf clover on your penis? It could be really dumb or really amazing. It is up to the guy to showcase his personality. You can give the man the tools, but you can’t make him use it correctly.

When are you hoping to launch the app?
Lauren: We are hoping to launch it this summer. Maybe on the Fourth of July; it is very American. Everything is in place. We are just getting ready to pull the trigger—or blow our load, if you will. The way we are going it is that the app will be free, but there will be little upgrades. Two bucks if you want to make your penis an ATM and shoot hundred-dollar bills out of it, because that is awesome.

Follow Erica on Twitter.

Comments