©2014 VICE Media LLC

    The VICE Channels

      Sex, Defecation, and a Spate of Sex, Defecation, and a Spate of Sex, Defecation, and a Spate of

      Sex, Defecation, and a Spate of "Fridgings

      December 20, 2012

      By Toby Fehily

      Yesterday, the NTNews featured three crocodile stories on its front page. Not too bad, but not a record by any means. Last month the bar was set with five front-page stories. Thursday’s concerns were centred on a crocodile who gave a wildlife ranger a black eye, a possible boycott of next year’s Inflatable Rescue Boat Championship by Gold Coast lifesavers concerned for their currently crocodile-free limbs, and the birth of 13 crocodile babies. Something deemed newsworthy because the proud parents at Crocosaurus Cove were named Will and Kate. The NTNews briefly added, “In other, less-important news, the croc’s royal namesake, Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton is also pregnant”.

      It was a slow week.

      Here are the rest of the highlights.

      - Of course, there’s more crocodile news, Tony Gaykamangu boasted to the press about how proud he was of his son, who escaped a crocodile attack with only bite wounds after defending himself the “old way”, which consisted of kicking the crocodile and running for his life. It’s good advice, but wasn’t heeded by the Swedish tourist who tried to sneak up on a crocodile and got slapped in the face. It’s all on tape.

      - Once again grumbles were raised about sex and defecation in Darwin. Soon after last week’s meeting between the Darwin City Council and Chief Minister Terry Mills about the issue, Jenny and Nikitas Kavouklis, owners of Darwin’s Istanbul Café, spoke to the NTNews about their experiences. Claiming people were still screwing, shitting, stealing, sleeping and picking lice out of their hair on their cafe veranda. According to Nikita, the police recommended installing an electric fence.                                               

      - The Northern Territory Police have ordered locals to lock their outdoor fridges following a recent “fridging” epidemic in Nhulunbuy. For those not from the Territory, “fridging” refers to the theft of booze from a fridge. And is apparently common enough to warrant a new word. Northern Territory Police Watch Commander Louise Jorgensen addressed those concerned with the issue saying, “I know it is inconvenient but you don’t want your Christmas cheer to disappear, do you?”

      - The Darwin City council has splashed out on two temporary digital display signs on roads, which let motorists know how fast they are driving in a bid to discourage speeding. There is nothing particularly strange about this tidbit, but points go to Rosebery School teacher Greg Morgan. Speaking to the NTNews Greg said, “I think they’re effective, I don’t think I’ve seen anyone speeding here”. Before adding, “Although I don’t know what the speed limit is. They do look nice.”

      - Arguably, this slow week was due to the Territorians’ preoccupation with preparations for the Mayan apocalypse.  Hundreds are headed to Uluru for the end-of-days, where they will be meditating, drumming and burying crystals, which ought to do the trick. Meanwhile, in Darwin, it’s business as usual. An opinion piece on the upcoming apocalypse published by NTNews reported, “So it’s time to let loose – let’s all go out and get nude, drink beer and let off firecrackers…oh hang on, that’s a regular day in Darwin.”

      Assuming the world doesn’t end, have a very happy Territory Christmas everyone. 

      Comments