Real-life Stories

When Shit Happens

By VICE Staff

To celebrate the last shitty day of yet another crappy working week, here’s a collection of some of the most shitacular stories we’ve ever heard.

Illustrations by Sam Taylor --> follow him on Twitter @sptsam!

WHAT A SHITTY DATE


My Danish ex-boyfriend knew this sweet, chubby guy (let’s call him "Mads") who had a crush on this girl they both knew for ages. She was super-hot, but had a long-term boyfriend, so Mads had reconciled with the idea of keeping his crush secret and his penis in the friend zone.

But when the girl called him one day in tears, saying she had been dumped, Mads instantly saw his chance, and smiled all the way to her tiny student flat where he cooked her dinner in his best clothes and aftershave. The dinner went well and they really connected on a whole different level now that the asshole boyfriend was no longer in the picture.

But shit happens. Before dessert, Mads’s nervous tummy decided it didn’t really agree with the food and he had to make a run for it. The toilet in the girl's tiny studio flat was right next to the kitchen table and there was no door, only a curtain. To avoid any embarrassing sounds, he figured it’d be a good idea to shit into some toilet paper, gently plop it into the toilet bowl. Unfortunately, on the last push, he lost his balance and tried to steady himself against the door with his free hand. Only, the door was a curtain.

He fell straight through it and landed on the floor, presenting his long-time crush with a fresh shit on a bed of toilet paper. Anyone who's experienced something similar will know that it's not really worth trying to explain, so Mads pulled his pants up and left the flat with his tail between his legs.

Want more embarrassing stories about shit? Click through to the next page.

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