Are you over 18?
Nov 30 2001
Jill Kelly Productions
Compilation (no director)
Most people have friends that try to protect them when they’re drunk from the evils of this world such as fights, police and ugly people. My friends, though, are all assholes. They will try with all their power to get me knocked out, locked up or throwing up after waking up next to a huge mistake. Did I ever tell you about the time we purposely got my drunken friend a blowjob from a transvestite on the night of his bachelor party? Or how we are always buying the worst girls alive drinks from across the bar, saying it’s from whoever is the drunkest in the group. This video is a collection of Sylvia Saint’s best anal scenes. The whole video is dedicated to her taking it in the ass and it’s the best purchase you could ever make. Sylvia was only in porn for two years and was easily the hottest slut in the business. I cried when she married a wealthy man and retired. Girls like her are a perfect example of the type of girl that my friends will hinder me from fucking. One time, actually, I was at this porn party in LA that Sylvia was at. This was before she was married. I was like, “Yo. I’m drunk, she’s drunk. I got pills, I’m sure she likes pills. I’m gonna hook this up and take this chick home.” So I went over to her and started kicking it. And I think she was really feeling me - really. Then my boy Dimitry came over and was like, “Oh, shit. Isn’t this the chick you’re always saying you jerk off to and would love to rape?” I knew he’d just killed my game. She walked away. And got married. And he smiled and said, “That chick wasn’t your type. You need more meat.”
Nasty Newcummers #19
Dir: Pat Myne
I’ve been on this kick lately where I’ve only been fucking chicks with tons of tattoos. My last girlfriend had both her arms covered and her back had amazing angel wings which went from her neck down to her ass crack, not to mention she got my name tattooed on her stomach when we first started going out. I’m sure that’s covered now, but that’s not the point. I have photos. Then I started seeing this one stripper who had her back covered in this weird pixie/fairy fantasy scene, which looked kind of crappy and reminded me of The Hobbit but she looked like Betty Page so I was like, “Fuck, I’ll deal with staring at Bilbo every time I get her from behind, I don’t care.” Most recently I started fucking this stripper from Cheetah’s with THE best tattoos. Each of her ass cheeks has a Mary Mud-flap on it (you know, like the truckers’ mud-flaps have) and below that the backs of her thighs read “White Trash” in nice cursive writing. Man, I got to tell you, it’s a goddamn treat to look down on her bare bottom and see the silhouettes of those two mud-flap girls just jiggling away. Sometimes I try to squeeze her butt cheeks together real hard to make the two of them kiss. I was telling VICE about her the other day and he was really proud of my choice in women, especially when I told him she only has four fingers on her right hand. Man, I love tattooed girls. There’s one in this video. She’s the hottest slut in it, but I’m not very objective.
One of Our Writers Went on an All-Alcohol Diet for a Week
The Jim Norton Show: Mike Tyson and Dana White - Part 1
Paris Lees: The 21 Sexiest Things About Sex
'Weird Al' Yankovic Explains How He Conquered the Internet
Tao of Terence: One Version of 'One Version of Terence McKenna’s Life'
Austin's Music Scene Should Get Less Hetero
VICE Meets: Jim Norton on His Comedy Career and 'The Jim Norton Show'
A Few Impressions: James Franco’s ‘Blood Meridian’ Test
No Higgs Boson of Hitler: Ron Rosenbaum Explains 'Explaining Hitler'