Sniffing Out the Terrorists on Twitter

You probably heard about those two British tourists who got kicked out of America for Tweeting some shitty jokes.

The astonishingly named Leigh Van Bryan tweeted: "Free this week, for quick gossip/prep before I go and destroy America." Then he said he planned to "dig up Marilyn Monroe." Which is apparently a line from Family Guy. It's a joke or something. I dunno, ask Seth MacFarlane.

It's all a bit like that guy who got convicted for threatening to blow up an airport. Except, stupid as that conviction is, he did actually threaten to blow up an airport and you can see why that would freak out security guys. Even if you took Leigh Van Bryan TOTALLY LITERALLY, he threatened to "destroy America." To me he doesn't look equipped to pull that off. He looks like he's in The Feeling.

Anyway. I was panicked by these online threats to our freedom and decided to check Twitter to see if there were any criminals that the authorities needed to be aware of before it was too late. It turns out there are loads of people out there waiting to do real harm to America. I assume I'll get a medal for turning them in.

I haven't read anything in the press about a wrap getting massacred, so I guess the plan was foiled. Well done again, homeland security.

This duo is particularly unnerving. Nuking the world is even worse than destroying America. Surely, stopping this sort of thing is exactly what we pay our police to do?

The internet tells me that iCarly is a sitcom about a girl who creates a web show. I don't know who @Oh_my_carrots is, but if I were him, I'd stay out of international waters for quite some time. He needs to let his sabre rattling die down.

Many famous rivers may have survived WWI and WWII, but not this bloodbath.

Chilling.

And it gets worse.

Clearly, the internet is brimming with political terrorists.

Some estimates say that as many as 75% of Americans are overweight. If this civil war takes off, thin people are in big trouble.

If YouTube conspiracy videos have taught me anything, it's that tweeting things like this really could get you in a lot of trouble.

Even the Kardashians are in on it. Who's the bomb? Where's the bomb?

AND SO ON. AND SO ON. AND SO ON. Basically, people often use violent language when making jokes. Maybe America is planning on outlawing jokes some day, but I don't think it's happened yet. And thank God for that.

@terriblesoup