Spreading The Love

What did you do on Valentine’s Day? Lay on a bed of roses and chocolates? Pour expensive champagne all over your face and body? Fuck that’s selfish. We hope you get a yeast infection from having all that fancy booze near your junk.

As for us, we spent the day handing out Valentine’s cards to people who looked in need of a little love. Namely, three weird flower sellers and one monk. P.S. our karma must be so inflated after this; if everyone I went to high school with doesn't get diabetes this year, something is totally up in the universe.

Mark

Vice: So you’re at work now, doing the most romantic job imaginable, but do you have plans for later?
Mark:Umm, I don’t know.

Are you single?
No.

I bet your girlfriend has pretty high expectations considering the job?
Na, not at all.

Has everything today been as romantic as our smoking banter?
No. It’s been an average day.

So what are you doing tonight? Writing a couple of sonnets?
Nothing. Dinner, a movie maybe.

Has it been nice seeing all the love on show today?
Yeah it was actually pretty wonderful.

Gee

Vice: Excluding the huge box of roses strapped to you, do you have any Valentine’s this year?
Gee:No.

Single?
Yes.

Do you think you might meet someone in this line of work? It’s probably not flush with available guys.
You never know I meet a lot of people.

Is it a nice job? Helping people celebrate their love?
Yes, my favorite. I love it, that’s why I do it, otherwise I wouldn’t.

What’s the most romantic Valentine’s you’ve ever had?
That’s a hard one, I can’t say.

Too many, too sexy, or not enough?
Not enough.

Kate

Vice: Do you feel as romantic as your look?
Kate: Not really. I’m not really into the Valentine’s Day thing.

That’s kind of surprising considering the job.
One of my friends is a florist so I’m just helping out.

You must have a Valentine’s. You teenagers are held together by passionate proclamations of love.
I have a boyfriend but he’s like me, he doesn’t really care about Valentine’s Day.

Do you think after seeing all the happy couples today you might change your mind?
Not really, I don’t really mind.

Maybe he’s just acting cool to throw you off. Do you think he’ll do something crazy romantic tonight?
No, not really.

At least give him a rose.
No he’s selling them too.

That’s kind of romantic, matching ill-suited careers. Wait, I think we interviewed him. Tattoos, tall?
That’s him.

Yeah on second thought maybe don’t get your hopes up. Is there any competition between the two of you over who sells the most? Brings the most joy?
Well we get $20 an hour from doing it. And whoever sells the most gets a $100 bonus. And we get 50c for each rose sold.

Who would have thought Valentine’s Day brought the coin and the love. What a magical day. And I bet everyone is really nice.
Not always, some people called me a prostitute for selling roses.

Whoa, is that a cultural thing or were they just bitches?
I dunno I wasn’t really paying attention.

Muchukunda

Vice: Well you wouldn’t be this dressed up if you didn’t have something planned, what are you doing for Valentines?
Same thing I do everyday. I’m a monk.

I bet you have a different view on Valentine’s than the average guy.
What do you think of it?

I think it’s a nice idea if you’ve got someone. Maybe a bit commercial, but it’s good to celebrate love.
Yeah I agree.

So I guess you probably don’t have a girlfriend?
No, do you know what a monk is?

But if someone were going to give you something, what would it be?
They wouldn’t. Because they would know I’m a monk. Are you sure you know what a monk is?

Yeah I do, I’m just really selfish so it seems weird. Do you think you’d change your mind about Valentine’s in the future?
Maybe if I was married. Or met the right girl.

I didn’t know you could drop in and out of being a monk like that.