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Travel

Sunneklaas, a Fun Holiday No One Knows About

Dutch islanders celebrate an obscure sadomasochistic esoteric ritual, where women, children, foreigners, and especially journalists are beaten up by trolls.

What seems as a sadomasochistic esoteric ritual is actually a holiday party on Ameland, a small island of the Netherlands. Called Sunneklaas, yesterday they celebrated it again. Masked men go out on the streets, blow horns, smash the ground with sticks, and do other stuff people rarely ever do. Women and minors can’t go out because they will be chased back home or get their asses beaten with sticks. Do they actually stay inside? What do you think?

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Even in the Netherlands hardly anyone has ever heard about Sunneklaas. That’s because people on the island do everything to prevent it from leaking to the mainland. These days they show an exceptional hate for curious mainlanders, tourists, and fucking journalists. They make sure no hotel rooms are available, and on the boat to Ameland people warn you with pamphlets about "less than pleasant experiences.”

Journalists who tried to capture this ritual were brutally banished. Most of them are relieved of all of their recording material when they left the island. This is why there are hardly any moving images of Sunneklaas. Even on YouTube there are just a handful of videos, but you still wouldn’t know what the hell these people are doing.

Written pieces about Sunneklaas get these people angry and upset as well. When we contacted one Ameland gentleman on the phone about writing an article about the event, he told us, "I wouldn’t try to write a word about it if I were you." One blogger named Rolandow actually wrote a few sentences about it, which led to a few unpleasant comments:

“Your statement that ‘Sunneklaas is for everyone’ doesn’t make any sense. It’s only for people from Ameland. PS: If I see you on Sunneklaas, you’d better run fast, because I’ll beat you to a pulp.” – rolandow hater

“If I see you, I’ll smack you so hard you’ll have to swim to that shitty hamlet you’re from. There I’ll kick you so hard you’ll never dare to come back, loser!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - Willem

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 “Bag of shit” – ameland :)

This is what we found out about Sunneklaas: Officially the ritual begins at 5 PM. All the lights on the island are turned off, leaving nothing but darkness. Whoever lets his light shine outside his house gets his window broken or painted. Next, men who are wrapped in sheets and armed with sticks go out for banevegen, or “sweeping the streets.” In pitch black these white shadows roam the streets, blow their horns like crazy, beating all the women and children back home.

To check and make sure there is no woman or kid imposter under one of these sheets, they do something called fûskje, where they firmly grip one another’s hands as a test. A feminine or childlike grip will get you punished and chased home with sticks. A girl from Ameland who didn’t want to tell us too much for our huge expose an Sunneklaas told us she knew there was once a woman who pretended she was a man. “That was in Hollum, the town where the most traditional party takes place,” she said. “That woman got her ass kicked hard! All kinds of bruises.”

About two hours later, the real party starts. Men put their masks on and disguise themselves and visit all the women, who have meanwhile grouped themselves in “open houses.” The men continue to check on one another with a fûskje.

“Let’s check if you’re not a real mushroom, because I’ll batter you back to Super Mario Land.”

Once they’re inside an open house, the masked men (called omes) tap their sticks on the ground. Women have to do a dance or jump over the stick. Sometimes people dance together. Or the women get fooled. Or they drink together. In short: a lot of incoherent events. Here’s a picture of an open house:

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What’s the fun part about this? Paul Vogt (one of the only people who’s actually documented this event) tells us: “Months before Sunneklaas starts, people are already beginning to look forward to it. Around the end of summer, people start to create their disguises. The fun thing is that no one recognizes anyone–not even members of the same family. To be even more unrecognizable, everyone uses a fake voice when they talk. In Hollum there’s no unmasking, so you’ll never find out who is who.”

But before you think, “Why all the fuss about this misogynistic inbred carnival?”, we want to make clear that Sunneklaas goes way deeper than this. It stems from a centuries-old pagan tradition where people tried to chase devils from their village. That’s why they sweep the streets and blow their horns. Because remote and tiny places like Ameland were inaccessible to external influences, this tradition remained in its original form, while others have been corrupted by commercialization, greed, and Christianity. (Note the holiday’s similarity with the name “Santa Claus,” who also has roots in this pagan ritual.)

Now that the authentic aspect of the tradition threatens to disappear because of the interference of mainlanders and snooping foreigners (like us) and simplicity of making and spreading today’s media, we understand the paranoia and fear of the islanders. So we officially say: Have a fun Sunneklaas next year, and the next few centuries after that. And don’t smack too hard!