Talking To a Criminal Lawyer/Action Hero

Image by James Harmsworth 

If Lionel Hutz was 7-feet tall, bullet proof and real, he’d be Michael Gleeson. Michael is a criminal lawyer who by his own admission is, “famous in prison for defending drug dealers, even though that’s probably not a good thing”. His credits include beating Sylvester Stallone in an arm wrestle, as well as penning a catalogue of DIY action movies that he’s trying to get off the ground. We had a talk about his movies, which he plugged, and his law work, which I walked in on. I showed up at his Melbourne office during a client meeting and the guy showed me his back tattoo and I took some photos. And that’s Michael Gleeson—in the pursuit of justice and tabloid entertainment.

VICE: Hey Michael, who was that guy you were talking to?
Michael Gleeson: Oh that was just a guy with a pending case. We were reviewing his allegations of serious drug trafficking. I represent a lot of drug dealers—ice mainly. It used to be heroin or cocaine but now it’s all ice. I like defending these people because every day is different and challenging. Today I dealt with some people who were picked up with a million dollars in a suitcase. Tomorrow I’ve got a firearms case, the day after—probably more ice.

Okay, so what’s with the movie thing?
Well I’m an actor, lawyer and writer. I was involved in film at the start of my legal career but I’ve gone back to it recently. Most of my screenwriting focuses on my experiences in the criminal world. I’ve also just pitched a show which is a cross between Judge Judy and Jerry Springer. It’s where people are judged or disputes are resolved but in a fun way—with lots of fanfare and girls and funny costumes, just to make it a bit more interesting. It’s probably a bit ahead of what the Australian market wants but in the States it could work.

And what’s your movie coming up?
It’s called Destination Justice. The idea is that you’ve got these enforcer judges who are sort of like judge, jury and executioner. It’s set in the future with the first president to be hopefully played by Paul Hogan. Obviously gangs and crime has spiralled out of control so they bring in what’s called a Kangaroo Court, it resolves disputes in a different sort of way. No bullshit and straight to the heart of it. And then at the top of it all is a judge who wears a wacky costume, is muscular and is surrounded by these beautiful buxom girls.

Who do you play?
The judge.

And do you think it’ll get up?
Oh yes, we’re shooting at the end of 2014 in China. We’re also using my arm wrestle with Stallone for publicity.

And what was that all about?
Well, I was a prosecutor with the police at the time and I was asked to go along with this photographer to the Rocky 3 press conference. He wanted a shot with a big guy and Stallone for the cover, then he said why don’t you guys arm wrestle? Stallone said alright, why not. So we sat down and flexed for the cameras but without pushing and all of a sudden he went wham, and tried to flatten me straight away. I was taken off guard but I resisted and somehow, I don’t know how, I was able to pull him over. I really started from a disadvantage but I beat him and apparently he told Derryn Hinch that it shitted him.

So you want to wrestle him again?
Yeah, but the word we’ve got is that he’s worried about being beaten a second time. That’s why he’s resisting. Which is fair because if I beat him 25-years-ago, I can beat him again. Especially as I know his tricks now and I’ll be ready.

Do you kick ass in real life?
No, I’m too busy and I’d probably get in trouble. I’m married and got kids and they also wouldn’t like it.

But is there something to be said for that style of justice?
Justice, unfortunately, is very slow in this country. If you’re charged with a serious crime it can take two years to get to trial. Justice is supposed to be swift and that’s the premise of my films.

Look, honestly, I kind of feel like your ideas are ridiculous. Are they supposed to be?
Of course but that’s what people want to see. Action. That’s all anyone wants.

And amongst all this action do you have a soft side?
Um, nothing that comes to mind. I have two dogs. Will that do?

Yep. Very soft. Thanks Michael.

Follow Julian on Twitter: @MorgansJulian