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Teresa Scott: I was 17 when I started modeling with an agency in London, and they shipped me out to America as soon as possible. You start doing topless modeling, which is nerve-wracking at first. Once that’s normal, you start doing nude, then you start kissing girls, then you start touching girls. You don't really see the transition; it just creeps up on you. I worked at Television X. I'd be walking around their office nude, and all the other girls would be nude. I didn’t feel shocked, as it wasn't on my radar any more. When that becomes normal, the next step doesn’t seem so major. But all of a sudden I was doing full sex videos with girls. It’s only when you’re doing a three-girl shoot, and you’re all linked together, that you think, How did I get from being shy to taking my top off, to this?What pushed you to make this transition to porn?
Constant offers of money. At first I said no. I remember being really nervous the first time a male photographer asked me to take my top off. I ran home scared and didn't do the shoot. I met my husband while working at Television X. He didn't mind my work. To be honest, we just saw dollar signs. We thought we could deal with it all and just earn a lot of money, thinking, Who cares?What kind of porn did you do?
My porn was with girls—lesbian sex. I never did stuff with men. Actually, I did, but only once, with my husband, and that did feel strange. No little girl wants to be a porn star. No little girl grows up saying, "I want to be used in that way." Girls are enticed by the modeling side of it. I don't know one porn star who isn't a model. The whole "I'm-going-to-be-in-a-magazine" and "I’m-going-to-be-made-to-look-pretty" side of it is enticing, but it’s all rubbish and complete fakery. It’s understandable that some people go into this industry, because God put in women a desire to be desired, but that has been warped in this world. Desire is meant to come from a husband, but the sanctity of marriage has broken down in society. If we had still had that, the fix that girls need would be taken care of.
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My husband and I were sitting in our computer room at home, where we’d been uploading videos to the internet. Then something weird started happening to us. We were transported to this most amazing place, where there were green fields and hills everywhere. We could see colors—they were breathing and pulsating in brightness and radiance. I could see a man in white, but I knew he wasn’t Jesus, and I knew he was talking to people because he was on the summit of a hill, so we were moving to this man. There’s a huge hill behind him, and he invites us in. The hill opens up, and we fall into complete blackness.And then what happened?
The moment I came up, I was face to face with Jesus. He had fire in his eyes that burnt straight through my soul. But it was a fire of love, of burning love, not of condemnation. It was made known to me that I was the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end. I am forever and I have always been. And Jesus has always been with me. [Teresa starts crying.]And what was the message?
The message was that he wants me to tell people that you are not condemned, that no matter how bad you think you have lived your life, he is able to take you out of it and lead you into better things. My eyes were fixed on his. His words came into me.
It split our family in two. Porn, they could deal with, because they could just brush it under the carpet. But they couldn’t deal with me talking about finding Jesus. We didn’t speak for seven years. My dad thought I was on drugs. It took years for them to be able to see that my life wasn’t getting worse; it was getting better. They now know that I’m speaking at universities to intelligent people, even though I had no education, and they’re wondering what’s got me here. But it’s a higher thing. It’s Jesus who got me here.
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People in the porn industry thought I was mad. When you’re working and you’re on set, doing "the business," there isn’t much time to talk about Jesus. All they knew was that something happened to me, but that was as far as it went. I saw Jesus in 1999, but it was only in 2009 that I got all of my [industry] contacts and deleted them. I didn’t work for a year, but I needed that year to readjust to my faith. I now have no contact with anyone from the porn industry or America. There’s also no real community in the porn industry—you’re on your own.How have you dealt with equating your former views as a porn star with views promoted by the Christian faith? What are your views on homosexuality, for example?
For years, I thought there was nothing wrong with homosexuality. God gives us free will, so he loves a gay person as much as he loves a straight person. But he puts guidelines in for our own protection. He puts them there because, if the whole world became gay, it would be detrimental to life. God doesn’t want his children to feel condemned or pressured. Gay people are going to have a hard time, and God doesn’t want that. I’m not for homosexuality; I’m certainly not for it.And abortion?
I've had one. It was before I became a Christian, so I can speak from experience. At the time, I thought I wasn’t ready—there was too much strangeness going on in my life. I was entering into porn, and it just didn’t fit. But now I do wish I kept it. I thought at the time, No, it's my free will—a woman should be allowed to decide. But it’s difficult, because while every woman should be able to decide, it’s also another life. You're deciding the fate of another. The world is messed up. It’s like learning yoga—you gain strength from within. The change has to come from the deepest root, and that is our relationship, our reconciliation, with God, the Creator. Abortion is a symptom of all that is wrong in the world, and I believe homosexuality is the same.
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Yes, it is. I believe in Jesus, and therefore I believe in Satan. The Bible tells us, and I feel it anyway, that he is in control of the world at the moment. The evidence is everywhere. I’m talking about war, starving children, people dying… I mean, that’s really messed up. People are distant from God. Satan has got control, and he’s at the root of it.How do you respond to people who say that the sex industry is empowering for women?
I used to think that. But our society is fed on sex, and women will put on a front. It seems normal for those women who adopt that role, and they say they’re in control of it, but a woman is never in control when a guy is doing it to her. The woman inside will know it, but she won’t admit it. The moment you admit it, you have to do something about it.Since turning to Christianity, have you made any effort to help others get out of the porn industry?
Not yet. You never really saw girls [in the industry] more than a few times. I would want to do something like this. though. Lots of people have been asking me, so I think it’s a sign. God is pointing me towards this path.A girl came to me at one of the talks I gave, saying she’s been doing webcamming to pay for her tuition and that it’s breaking her heart. She’s got a boyfriend, and he doesn’t know. I feel like I've got to do something. She asked me how to get out of it, but I can't tell her how. It took me ten years, and I could only do it with the help of the Lord. He’s got the answer. We might stumble across it, and glory to God if we do, but more often than not, we don't.Do you think Jesus will come again?
I know he will. I 100-percent know that he's coming again. I don't know when, but I feel it's really soon.I look forward to it. Thanks, Teresa.Follow emily (@trippemily) and Antonia (@aepaget) on Twitter.