Rat Tail

Listen to Rat Tail's Debut Single "Introducing Rat Tail"

By Brett Gelman


Photos by Janicza Bravo

This song is from Rat Tail’s one and only album, The Motorola Pimp. His whereabouts are unknown. We do know that he seemed to be on the rise when his album was first released; however, shortly after getting in an altercation with rapper Ice T, Rat Tail vanished. Ice T denies any knowledge of or involvement in his disappearance. Thankfully, Rat Tail's music lives on. Stream the rapper's debut track below and absorb all of its peculiar gravitas and poetical power. 

The following is an excerpt from the liner notes of  The Motorola Pimp:

1. INTRODUCING RAT TAIL: 
(A. Goldstein, D. Goldenberg, L. Nachman) Produced by Janet for Cyrk Records. Recorded at Cyrk Studios in Hollywood by Doo Doo Dune Dune. Mixed by Conch Shell at Cyrk Studios in Hollywood.

Introducing Rat Tail / Rat Tail got a fat tail
Eight ball in the thermos of my Muppet Movie lunch pail
Want dick? Got it / Want nuts? Got those
I like to hang with strippers ’cause they take off their clothes
New Air Jordans, so you know that I’m rockin’
Rolex on my wrist tick tockin’ like my dick
Diamonds in my ears / Rhinestones on my shirts
Make them teen panties wet, give ’em ring-around-the-skirt

And you know I am a flirt, biggest flirt on earth
I drink champagne that’s yellow like Bert 
And Ernie’s rubber ducky, girlies whisper “sucky fucky”
Got ’em feeling real lucky ’cause they got the chance to fuck me
I’m soooo handsome / My looks will pay ya daughter’s ransom
No fear of the five-0, I run up on ’em and pants ’em!
Breath stank like milk / Hands smooth like silk
Sending ’nuff love to my man Harvey Milk
Introducing Rat Tail!
THAT’S ME!
Introducing Rat Tail!
THAT’S ME!
Introducing Rat Tail!
THAT’S ME!
We want to fuck you Rat Tail!
THAT’S FREE!

I like my butts round plus hanging to the ground
I like my tits round and my eyes doo-doo brown
I like it like this and like it like that
I like to chill in Hollywood ’cause that’s where I live at
One compound / Five mansions / One fence
I speak a little broken, but that don’t mean that I’m dense
Talking on my cell phone, that’s when I speak my mind
I’m always on that hustle and forever on that grind
Speaking of that grind, I love to grind behind
I get behind that behind, and I grind that behind

Blast this song in my boom box / Then after I rewind 
Then after I rewind I get behind behind and grind 
My shotgun spray and my 45—BLAM!
I’m fly, dope, fresh, def with a splash of glam
My real name’s Aaron, and my middle name’s Sam
Rat Tail is the man / And you know that’s who I am
Rat Tail is the man / And you know that’s who I am
My name’s Rat Tail / That’s the name of the man
You know who I am / Rat Tail is the man 
Introducing Rat Tail!
THAT’S ME!
Introducing Rat Tail!
THAT’S ME!
Introducing Rat Tail!
THAT’S ME!
We wanna fuck you Rat Tail!
THAT’S FREE!

Read all 13 installments of Combover, Brett Gelman’s novel about Hollywood, baldness, and the beauty of the Jewish tradition here.

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