Just when you were over this twerking nonsense, news broke about the greatest twerk ever twerked. An unnamed woman was seen doing the infamous dance outside an apartment building in Brooklyn. Surveillance footage later showed her and a male accomplice stealing the contents of two packages shipped to one of the inhabitants of the building. We got a twerking thief on our hands, boys and girls!
The victim of this theft was Lindsey Riddle, a 27-year-old Graphics Coordinator (huh?) at VH1. Allegedly, she came home one evening to find that two packages mailed to her and her boyfriend were ripped open, and the contents were removed. They looked through surveillance footage and spotted the suspects. The twerking bandit kept watch while the second bandit stole the mail.
Lindsey explained that the best part of getting her stuff stolen was seeing the female suspect twerk outside. She told Gothamist, “Her endurance was rather impressive. I'm not exaggerating when I say she did this for an hour. A couple of my neighbors walked into the building, and she stopped momentarily and then started up hardcore as soon as their backs were to her.” What, you think twerking comes naturally? No, it takes practice. Butts and hips don't gyrate like that magically, and if you think otherwise, you're a damn amateur.
The incident was so amusing to Lindsey, she uploaded a video of sped-up surveillance footage showing the woman twerking her heart out. In the description, she wrote, “Beware Brooklyn, there's a twerking thief on the loose!” Did you hear that Brooklyn? Live in fear. Your precious purchase of yet another tablet is in danger of being taken from you. Can you say, “Worst Christmas ever?”
Usually, I don't find crime to be excusable, but something about this makes me side with the thief. The Graphics Coordinator got her stuff stolen and then found enough humor in it to exploit the woman but also still file a police report.
The twerking really clouds my judgement. An hour of twerking is a really long time. I'd like to think that maybe this woman was practicing for a national twerking competition where the grand prize was a large sum of money that she desperately needed to pay her grandmother's medical bills. The twerking bandit and her twerk coach needed to steal Lindsey's belongings to get money to pay the entrance fee. Once she won the competition, she planned to save grandma and then reimburse Lindsey for items lost. Wow! What an uplifting tale this has become. Sorry that you're crying about this heart-warming story.