The VICE Guide to New York City: Where to Eat

It's easy to be a cynic when talking about food in New York; jokes line up about foodies who recommend baby scorpions on the half-shell, or crouton ice-cream or whatever, but that's kind of reductive. Food is necessary and in New York, it's fucking great. People come from all over this stupid planet to work in and worship at our restaurants. Cuisines intertwine and diverge here to such a degree that purists and alchemists alike can find places to fall in love with, or be offended by, next door to one another. It's crazy out there, the best advice we can offer is, "put your mouth on wild things."

B&H Dairy: Eighty years old and still basically the coolest restaurant in New York. It serves delicious vegetarian kosher and a bit of seafood (tuna and whitefish mainly), I go for the borscht and the crowd. The tiny countertop joint attracts old Jews and squatters in equal measure. Handsome Dick Manitoba (of the Dictators and Manitoba's Bar fame) can be found ordering matzo brei, surrounded by little elderly ladies chatting with the remnants of boho East Village. B&H was closed for months because of a devastating fire on the block that killed two. Go and support. Get the grilled cheese and soup special. Last time we were there, Parker Posey dropped by to say hi to the counter guy and there was a vagrant in the corner playing "Enola Gay" by Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark on repeat for the entire hour we were there. Truly the finest of dining establishments.

Superiority Burger: It's new and massively hyped right now, so it may be a wait to get in to this vegetarian fast food joint. But it's run by dude was in Born Against and, as fucking tired and trite as this ALWAYS sounds, the burgers are great even if you aren't a vegetarian!!!

Roberta's: Years ago, Brandon Hoy—now owner of Roberta's, then dude from hard rock band Alabama Black Snake—said he was going to open a pizza place in Bushwick. Everyone kind of assumed that he was going to get very broke very quickly, but now he can buy and sell both me and you a hundred times over. The pizza is very good. Go. Give him your money. They also have regular parties in the back yard during the summer that are one of the few exceptions to the "don't bother standing in lines" rule.

Jahlookova Health Mart: Inexpensive and good-as-hell Harlem juice bar that's widely considered the best in the area. Also Ital food that's fresh and won't kill your budget.

Dar 525: Run by two Syrian/Turkish/Brazilian cousins, Dar 525 is a Mediterranean joint in Williamsburg that has a fleet of delivery guys parked outside constantly running in and out, so popular is their take out. Consequently, even though this is easily one of the best places in Brooklyn, you can usually find a place to sit. Get the pistachio pizza, which is just bread, pistachio, seven cheeses, rosemary, olive oil, and onions. It's dope.

New Asha: You may well not end up on Staten Island. But maybe you're dating a cop, so maybe you end up on Staten Island. The people we know who work for the tabloids, and therefore make semi-regular sojourns to New York's Weirdest Borough, all go to New Asha. It's a Sri Lankan storefront that serves curries. Shit. While looking for a hyperlink we just saw that New Asha was featured on an Anthony Bourdain show. Oh well, I guess she probably knows curries, but if you have some sort of prestige issue with eating at joints featured on TV shows, the neighborhood, Tompkinsville, is rife with plenty of other wonderful Sri Lankan cuisine.

Pakistan Tea House: Reasonable people can argue about their favorite place to grab quick and cheap Pakistani fare, but this Tribeca late night-spot is our go-to. Of course, Pak Punjab on 2nd Ave and 3rd Street and Punjabi Grocery and Deli are also perfectly delicious and just right for your late night budget eating.

La Savane: Wonderful West African cuisine joint owned by two former cab drivers. Cheap, absolutely delicious stews and fish and whatnot. No website (and we don't link to Yelp cos that shit is for squares and extortionists) because they are wild and free like the summer wind across the plains, but it's on 239 W. 116th Street and is well worth the trip. They don't serve booze and they don't want you to bring any. You can go a couple hours without a drink probably.

Ariana Kebab: Afghan food is an under-appreciated wonder and New York has its share of the better ones. A combination of some the best aspects of Indian food and your better Middle Eastern kebab house, Afghan cuisine offers an exceptionally creamy take on rice, meat, and pumpkin dishes. The music is good, the staff is welcoming in a "take no bullshit" way, and the food is unlike anything you've probably had. Order a couple mains, but go heavy on the sides and appetizers. Put sauce on everything.

Kunjip: We'd be remiss in our duty not to recommend a visit to Koreatown. It's basically one block (West 32nd between 5th Ave and the intersection of 6th Ave and Broadway), but there's a lot there. It's pretty vibrant 24/7 and the food is delicious and the nail salons are places the Times writes really long and sad articles about. Kunjip, open 24 hours and usually packed, has some of the best spicy food in the neighborhood.

Street Food
Avoid the pretzels, but eat the hot dogs because, yes, they are gross, but you're here. Try any of the halal and Indian stands. Look for the ones with longest lines but don't be snob if you just want a cheap gyro. Mexican ones are good, but best in Queens. There's one not too far from the VICE office on the corner of Bedford and North 7th in Williamsburg that makes legit gorditas. We eat at food trucks all the time because they're generally cheap and yummy, and at lunchtime, you should follow the suits or the hardhats.

Read more in the VICE Guide to New York City.