Music

Theory: All Female Rappers Are Actually Men

By Jamie Lee Curtis Taete

Remember how it turned out that Nicki Minaj and Jay-Z were actually the same person? Well, as a card-carrying misogynist, it tweaked my suspicion, and sure enough, I can now confirm without any doubt that every female rapper currently getting the planet excited about talking over beats is, in fact, a man.


IGGY AZALEA

Shit a brick! Iggy isn't the drugged up model sort we all took her for. RuPaul, you sly motherfucker, you thought you could slip this past us? 


KREAYSHAWN

Nice try, whatever-the-guy-is-called-who-played-Buffalo-Bill-in-Silence-of-the-Lambs! Now all I'm gonna hear whenever I listen to Kreayshawn* is: "It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again, Fendi, Fendi, Prada."

*JK, I'm not gonna be listening to Kreayshawn.


AZEALIA BANKS

Azealia raps about her vagina so much that, in retrospect, it's pretty obvious that she is actually a straight guy. No woman cares that much about her own vag. I never would've guessed she was actually being voiced by Loyd Grossman, though. Great to see you back in the game, Loyd!

So there you have it folks, further proof that Beyonce was wrong (if the fact that she's a woman wasn't proof enough already).

Follow Jamie on Twitter: @JLCT

Previously – Theory: Nicki Minaj Is Actually Jay-Z Sped Up

By Jamie Lee Curtis Taete 3 months ago Tags: Nicki Minaj, Jay-Z, I hope people realise I'm joking and that I don't actually hate women, misogyny, rap, hip-hop, Kreayshawn, Lloyd Grossman, RuPaul, Silence of the Lambs, Iggy Azalea

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