This Man Believes All News Events Are Staged By Actors
Aug 30 2013
HOLY SHIT, right? Wake up, sheeple!
Have you ever played that road trip–friendly game where you try to decide which actor would play a famous person in a hypothetical Hollywood biopic? For example, if I were making a movie about tortured soul singer Amy Winehouse, my first choice for the lead role would be Lady Gaga—her nose is crooked, she sorta has a good voice, and her outrageous personality could potentially match up with Amy’s. OK, now, what if I told you I'm not playing a game, Amy and Gaga are actually the same person IRL. Are you still with me?
Well, according to my new favorite website, WellAware1, this kind of bodysnatching celebrity insanity is only the tip of the iceberg, or the entrance to the rabbithole, depending on which conspiratorial metaphor you prefer. WellAware1 exposes one the most unbelievable conspiracy theories I’ve ever heard—and this is coming from someone who's spent a lot of time writing about shadow governments and alien cover-ups.
The main premise of WellAware1 is that the “real” people you see interviewed in news stories—whether they’re mall employees who got robbed at gunpoint or famous musicians and politicians—are not who they say they are. They’re all actors who have been hired by our governments to manipulate our perception of reality and push forward some sort of actor-driven totalitarian agenda.
I know what you’re thinking: This sounds totally plausible and confirms a lot of my own suspicions, because I have been snorting assorted pills for 48 consecutive hours. But can WellAware1 provide me with a huge library of "proof," preferably presented in a jumbled mess in multicolored fonts on a black background? Oh yes, we can help you out there. Since 2011, WellAware1’s creator Ed Chiarini a.k.a. DallasGoldBug, has been compiling evidence and publishing posts about how the world’s major news events are actually just dramatic, fictional productions. He argues his case with videos, audio samples, and photoshopped images revealing hundreds of instances where someone you think you know is actually someone else who you also know. You know?
If, like me, you want to spend a few days pouring over his research, you might stop to think about the amount of dubious data he’s collected that hasn’t yet made it onto the website. He's trying to get crowdfunding so he can go on working to release THE REAL TRUTH—his GoFundMe page even includes a video that tries to prove Columbine was staged with the aid of inanimate human dummies.
Somehow, he’s raised $2,600 out of his $5,000 goal, presumably from “Well Aware Ones” who want him to leak his treasure trove of information that, he insists, will support his wild claims and prove the world’s news stories are all just elaborate fictions. The financial support that comes from hopefully no one you've ever met is almost enough to make you think, Hey, maybe he’s onto something here! But before you get too carried away, check out these examples of exactly what Ed believes:
Rejoice! Not only is Tupac alive, he’s also Dave Chappelle! I knew Dave was a master of disguise when Prince put Dave on his new album cover, but to discover that he was also Tupac all this time is a whole other level of cultural manipulation that I was not prepared to discover.
As Ed says: “the ear does not lie.” Any loyal WellAware1 reader knows, ear biometrics is a safe way to confirm a person’s identity and we have the proof here. Dave and Pac’s ears are the exactly the same, “right down to the piercing.”
If you have any appreciation for Steve Carell’s wide range of characters, like a lovably dumb paper company manager or a lovably dumb television news personality, you already know that he’s one hell of an actor. But did you know he is also Alice Cooper and Boy George? Fascinating.
Yes. In case you weren’t aware, everyone’s favorite antiapartheid revolutionary is also celebrated actor and narrator Morgan Freeman’s father. Um, this is actually getting kind of racist.
I think you get the idea.
I recently tried getting in touch with Ed to give him a chance to talk about the specifics of his theory. I also wanted to know more about disguise techniques, and how Steve Carell can be both Alice Cooper and Boy George. The response, shown below, was not exactly what I had expected. (He also discussed my apparently nefarious interview request in one of his many, long video blogs.)
According to a notice on WellAware1’s homepage, Ed recently had to delete his Facebook profile “due to the number of death threats” he was receiving. That might explain his reluctance to speak with me—or maybe he was afraid to talk with me because that would expose him as an actor himself. This thing has LAYERS, people.
Ed is a mystery, and as much as I want to stop, I just can’t help but keep reading about his twisted theories on current events. Even if you think he’s nuts and doesn’t deserve any attention whatsoever (too late, you read this article), you have to admit that what he’s accomplished is pretty impressive. Most people who start blogs give up after a couple of weeks, and he's been at it for years without slowing down. I can’t even process the number of links he's drawn and what they mean. Who has the time? I can barely keep up with curent events as it is, let alone a whole alternate narrative where Chevy Chase is Jim Morrison and John Candy never really died.
Ed, here’s your chance to set the record straight. Tweet at Steph: @smvoyer
More on paranoia:
Voss Water Is Bullshit
Bad Cop Blotter: The Police Aren't So Brave When Someone Has a Weapon
It's a Godlis World: Early Photos of Punk Rock After Dark
VICE News: Water War: Dry in Detroit
Tim and Eric Tell Us About Their Greatest Fears
We Asked a War Correspondent About the Origins of ISIS
How to Get Into Sketchy Sports Betting
The Worst Part of the Ice Bucket Challenge Is the People Criticizing It
What's Behind the Mysterious Drop in Teen Pregnancy?
The Ferguson Protests in Photos