Nebraska Is Redesigning Its License Plate, but Not Because It Looks Like a Guy Holding His Huge Balls

Once again, the mainstream media is trying to pull the wool over the eyes of the general populace. Once again, they refuse to tell us what our eyes can plainly see, obfuscating reality rather than revealing it. Once again, they have shown themselves to be in the service of the powerful rather than the truth.

I guess I have to say this, because apparently no one else will: The new design for Nebraska's license plate, which was scrapped at the last second on Friday because of a kerfuffle over the depiction of the plate's central figure, looks like a dude with huge balls. It looks like a guy with huge balls who is holding them up as if to say, "Hey, here are my huge balls. Don't you like them?"

The guy in question is called the Sower, and that's what he's depicted doing, sowing, which means throwing seeds out from a big bag of seeds. There's a statue of him doing this on top of the Nebraska State Capitol, and in three dimensions, it's pretty obvious what he is doing, i.e., spreading seed and not holding his huge testicles. Let's take a look:

But besides the Nebraska Sower, there is also the Michigan State Sower, who is pretty much the same thing except he's doing something different with his hands. He can be found as an engraving on the Michigan State campus. The two sowers were both made by the legendary art deco sculptor Lee Lawrie, who apparently was not above getting paid for the same idea twice. Way to hustle, Lee! It's the Michigan State Sower who ended up on the Nebraska license plate design, because Jeff Heldt, the ordinary Nebraskan who submitted the design as a contest entry way back in 2002, didn't know about the two different sowers. Here's the Michigan Sower:

Note the hand clutching the bag, full-fisted with a bit of slack at the end, as opposed to the dainty pinch employed by the sower on the Nebraska State Capitol. But also note that, in context, it doesn't really look like a guy who has to hold up his gigantic balls, either to prevent them from dragging painfully across the field, or because it just feels nice—I don't know, he's not on trial here. Now let's take another look at him as he almost appeared on the vehicles of Nebraska's motorists:

Those are balls.

But no newspaper will report that fact.

"Since the design was unveiled last week, some people have called it boring. Others have joked that the way the man in the image is holding his grain satchel appears sexually suggestive," wrote the AP. It does not "appear sexually suggestive," it appears like a man is lifting his massive testicles, which may be that size due to a medical condition.

"The plate has faced a share of criticism since the governor unveiled the design," read an article on the website of Omaha's KETV, which failed to note that some of the criticism was due to the giant sack. KETV also ran a video segment in which Nebraskans said things like, "People know what it's getting at," and "I would rather not put that on my car," yet STILL NO MENTION OF THE BALLS.

KETV polled its audience about the sower plate design, and the choices were "perfect," "acceptable," "underwhelming," and "boring," somehow failing to include "it looks like a man who is dealing with his grotesquely swollen gonads as best he can." ("Boring" is in the lead, with 63 percent of the vote.)

World-Herald cartoonist Jeff Koterba also wrote about the plate, and while he did not refer to the ball situation directly, at least he included a comment from Joel Damon, a local arts space curator, who noted that, "People can say what they want about the image and what it looks like—some guy pulling his pants open, you know, whatever happening downstairs."

That is an extremely vague way of describing a farm worker who has to get his clothes specially tailored in order to accommodate his freakish anatomy, and who is still apparently laboring in the fields even though he probably should take some time off and get some fluid drained from his genitals or maybe even get surgery. But it is better than the basket of lies peddled by KETV, the AP, and others.

State officials are now hard at work on a plate that will look more like the Nebraska Sower, and thus less like a dude gently and carefully cradling his massive testicles.