We Saw This: Neon Indian

I find myself telling people frequently that Terminal 5 is my least favorite venue in NY, but I always forget why exactly until the next time I go there and it all comes rushing back in a wave of douche chills. The place is set up like the goddamned Thunderdome and in order to even get in you have to be subjected to a cavity search and full background check like you're gonna also maybe adopt a child in between sets. The best part about this is that the friend that I went with this most recent time, to see Neon Indian, (which is the point of all this, and I'll get to that in a minute after I'm done talking about other things) got patted down for 29 years and had his pens and Sharpies confiscated, and yet I breezed in with two KNIVES in my bag. Foolish fools.

Behold. A vast sea of A-holes.

I don't know if it's Spring Break or what, but it maybe being Spring Break, combined with the fact that this show was an all-ages show made the experience pretty painful. The two opening bands (Lemonade and Ducktails) were so random and not enjoyable to witness in any way whatsoever, but the crowd was fist pumping and jumping hither and yon like it was the first time any of them had ever left the house, or heard secular music, in their lives.

The good thing about opening bands is that eventually they have to end, so by the time I finished my second beer and concluded the first round of a game played in my head called "normy straight girl or actual retarded person," smoke machines started oozing creep vapors over everyone and things got much better.

I bet you that you could never guess what started happening about three songs into the Neon Indian set. Think about it for a few minutes and I'll sit here and wait.

Not sure? Okay, I'll tell you. The following things started happening:

1) So much pot.

2) ACTUAL CROWD SURFING FOR NO REASON AT ALL.

3) Straight girls (or retarded people) being hoisted onto the meaty, shuddering, horselike shoulders of their boyfriends as though we had suddenly all been transported in an Axe-Body-Spray-scented pod to a Dave Matthews Band concert.

At the end of the show my friend and I counted to a million before we left our seats in the balcony to make sure that we wouldn't have to stand near anyone, and then we went potty in the bathrooms. As I was exiting the stall I flung open the door in a dramatic fashion because it felt like a good thing to do. I said "HEEEEYAH" and as I did a girl walked by at just the perfect time to be whacked in just the perfect way by the door. So, yeah. I assaulted someone in the bathroom at Terminal 5. I'd do it again.

ps. Neon Indian were really good.

Bonus points for the night: Didn't have to stand by people

Points subtracted for: People

Previously: We Saw This: Zola Jesus

@WolfieVibes