What Sort of Person Still Thinks 9/11 Was an Inside Job?

By Clive Martin

As you've probably noticed from the wealth of "I remember where I was when..." Facebook statuses, today is the 11th anniversary of the most important day in modern history. The day when the world went from being one, big back-slapping party with Bill Clinton serenading Tony Blair with sax solos, to the era of fear, loathing, and Eminem that wouldn't subside until a Hawaiian guy who claimed to like Lil' Wayne pulled us out in a fireman's lift of optimism.

It feels strange looking back on a not-that-recent-any-more tragedy; we've moved on from the grief to the "never forget" stage. The common response has been dignified respect for the victims, and reflection on the wider ramifications of that fateful day. Of course there are people who feel the need to tell us what they were watching on the other channel (I was at the dentist's and when I was told, I imagined it to be a comical incident involving a bi-plane, if you're interested), there's little hand wringing or vicarious cloying to get worked up about.

Sadly, what there are is plenty of conspiracy loons. The people who just won't believe the "official version of events" and instead subscribe to respected authorities like Alex Jones, Charlie Sheen, and some anonymous whistle-blower with MS Paint's version of events. These people aren't even of the "We'll never really know what happened," school of thought; these are people who are 100 percent convinced that Dick Cheney was flying planes into buildings like a problem child with an Airfix model.

But who the hell are they? And what else do they enjoy doing besides casting aspersions on logic? Let's find out.

Nicola Jane likes:
- The television show Hollyoaks
- The television personality Khloe Kardashian
- Tweeting the lyrics of forgotten US R&B star Tweet (what a coindence)
- Tweeting the lyrics of not-forgotten US R&B star Marvin Gaye
- Vanilla lattes
- National Cheesecake Day


Liyah Nichelle likes:
- The rapper Wiz Khalifa
- The pop star Ciara
- Cookies with chocolate on the bottom
- The Twitter account @Hilarious_Dude
- The Twitter account @FemalePains
- The Buddhist concept karma


JayLundzzz likes:
- Weight training
- Street art
- The little-known Italian-American battle rapper Vinnie Paz
- The television personality body part Kim Kardashian's thighs
- Calling people "faggots"


Mac_Monkee likes:
- Jungle music, evidently
- Old school raves
- The Twitter account @iRespectWeed.
- The film New Jack City
- The comedian Ross Noble


Alright, so maybe these people are just slightly misinformed idiots quick to jump to conclusions after listening to a few cracked out rappers going through their conspiracy phase. Maybe they're dangerous, maybe they aren't, and in the interest of balance, maybe they're right. What about the slightly darker end of the scale, though? Who are the people willing to go one further, and name names? Specifically Jewish names.


The Evil Genius likes:
- The football club Manchester United
- Games consoles
- "Taking the piss"
- The actor Keanu Reeves (but not his perfomance in Bram Stoker's Dracula)
- The Twitter account @TheFunnyRacist


Stanley Stinks likes:
- Accusing "non-whites" of pretty much everything
- The political philosophy National Socialism
- The writer and broadcaster David Icke
- Jesus (although he has doubts over his divinity)
- The Twitter account "AryansGraphicsDesigns"


It wouldn't be a conspiracy without the Illuminati guys. That uniquely modern breed of thinker who seems to think that Jay-Z and Jermain Defoe are controlling the stock exchange as they snort coke through the same $50 notes that they themselves designed.


Actually, you know what, fuck these guys. If I wanted to hear rapper-based conspiracy theories and anti-Semitism, I'd go on WorldStarHipHop. Still, at least there's one good man left out there, somebody who can separate the facts from the bullshit:

Follow Clive on Twitter: @thugclive

Previously:

What Sort of Person Likes Mumford & Sons?

What Sort of Person Wants to Fuck You?

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