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      What's the Dumbest Thing You've Ever Done Drunk?

      November 28, 2012

      By VICE Staff

      From the column 'Question of the Day'

      Thanksgiving just happened, which means the Christmas season is firmly upon us. Holiday advertisements are on TV, Christmas parties with open bars are offering "candy cane" shots, and that big office holiday party is coming up where at least one of your co-workers gets drunk and makes a decision that ruins their professional career forever.

      Recently, a man in Australia obviously got so swept up in the holiday excitement and booze that goes with it, he managed to get drunk enough to convince himself that riding a a crocodile wasn't the worst idea in the history of the human species. With the gauntlet laid down, we decided to ask the people of London a question: What's the dumbest thing you've ever done drunk?

      Angelo, 22: Let’s see if we can go there. Probably punching a window in a general drunken rage.

      Because you saw your own reflection?
      Yeah, actually. I dislike myself intensely, so I tried punching myself, but it was just my reflection. No, I’m joking.

      Did you hurt yourself?
      Yeah, look—I've got a big scar on my hand. It was the stupidest thing, like, ever. I get memory loss a lot as well, then forget my PIN and end up blocking all my cards. That’s annoying when you wanna get lunch.

      Well stop getting so wasted then, Angelo.

      Robin, 23: That’s a hard one. I’ve done so many stupid things, but I can’t even remember what they are most the time.

      Reel them off for us.
      I don’t remember! I get lost a lot. I run away and never come back. I wake up in the morning and I don’t know where I am.

      Where’s the worst place you’ve woken up?
      I woke up in the apartment beneath my friend’s thinking that it was her apartment. I made breakfast and watched TV and everything before realizing I didn’t know whose house I was in.

      How did you get in?
      I climbed through the window. No one was there, thankfully.

      Sara, age withheld: The obvious thing for me to say is that I don’t remember. But that’s a tough one. Well, I’ve taken off way too many clothes while dancing at work functions.

      Is this a reoccurring problem?
      No, it was years ago. I’m not young anymore.

      How much did you take off?
      Oh, the whole top. Photographic evidence proves I took my bra off.

      Wow. Were you popular in the office after that?
      No, it was awful. This is good "people advice" for the holiday party season coming up—it’s not so funny the next morning when you realize you still have to work with them. People do tend to look at you differently after they’ve seen your boobs.

      Kyle, 35: From a legal standpoint, I once told a policeman that the eight-foot trash bag around my neck was my cape of justice.

      What was he talking to you about?
      He had had a complaint that some kids had been doing graffiti somewhere nearby, so I decided to be as helpful as I possibly could.

      Genuinely?
      I was genuinely trying to be helpful, but can you imagine the look of fear on peoples' faces, watching me run around with a load of trash floating behind me?

      I'd say it was probably more disdain than fear.

      Monique, 25 (left) and Amy, 24.

      Amy: Me and my boyfriend got tattoos at the Full Moon party in Thailand. He got one on the side of his head—it was a flower and some swirls. I was asleep, and when I woke up, he had this tattoo on the side of his head.

      Nice.
      And he'd never even had a tattoo before. He doesn’t even like them, actually.

      Why flowers and swirls?
      Because he likes drawing them. He didn’t talk for three days afterwards—apparently it was my fault.

      What tattoo did you get?
      It’s on my collarbone and it says "Life’s About Choices." It’s a pretty standard tattoo, but I don’t regret it, unlike him.

      Maybe it was your fault. If you had yours done first, maybe he would have read it and taken notice. 
      Yeah, he clearly made the wrong life choice. How about you, Monique?
      Monique: I’ve never been drunk. I don’t drink.

      Well, that’s that then. 

       

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      Topics: drunk, dumb shit

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