WOMEN ARE EVIL TOO (AND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN)

Headlining Swedish newspapers today was the premature release of Bosnian Serb war criminal

Biljana Plavsic

, one of the most evil women of modern history. Those 200,000 people who died in the ethnic cleansing rampage she lead during the Yugoslavian war doesn't seem to matter anymore as, according to her Swedish prison guards (she was sent to Swedish prison), she's now a sweet lady who bakes them buns, so they thought they'd let her off having served only two thirds of her 11-year sentence. If that's not enough of a smack in the face to all you folks believing that "the world would have been a better place if soft and loving women had been ruling it instead of power thirsty man-beasts with cocks for brains," I just put together a little top-six-evil-women-of-all-time list.

Elisabeth Báthory

This "countess Dracula" was a beautiful, glamorous maniac born into a wealthy family in Transylvania in 1560. As a child she already showed signs of great intelligence but could get pretty darn mad and aggressive. As a teenager she spent her spare time at her lesbian aunt's, the countess Karla Báthory, participating in various orgies. These gatherings enabled Elisabeth to find her great passion, namely torturing big-breasted young ladies and then murdering them in horrible ways, just for fun. Above everything else, killing people "just for fun" is the pinnacle of evil.

Ilse Koch

Ilse wasn't one of those "passive" Nazi wives in red lipstick and fur--she used to torture prisoners by forcing them into sexual acts before she had them murdered. The decoration in her house consisted of heads from prisoners and lampshades made from their skin. In 1947 she was imprisoned and 20 years later she wrote an ice-cold letter to her son, Uwe, claiming that she felt no regret. Not only was she playing Satan during her working hours, she furthermore "took work back home"—prisoner heads on the wall and such—which, according to a study in October's

Journal of Occupational Health Psychology

(Vol. 10, No. 3), makes people feel grumpy and tired on their free time. OK, that wasn't funny and I should be on this list too just for trying to make this sound funny.

Belle Gunness

This tall and chubby Norwegian woman came to America in the late 1800s, determined to get rich: she killed all her boyfriends, husbands, and her two daughters, making their property her main source of income. She used to contact rich men through what we today would call dating sites and they came to her farm, all excited and happy, only to disappear forever. In 1908 her house accidentally burnt down, revealing the bodies of more than 40 men and children. Killing people is terrible, of course, but fooling naively blue-eyed men is just plain mean! People who do the dating site thing are usually sad and lonely. That was just really fucking low Belle. Really low.

Beverley Gail Allitt

This truly, deeply disturbed English pediatric nurse nicknamed "Angel of Death" suffers from Munchausen's syndrome—a condition that makes you act sick (mentally or physically) to get attention. She's a serial killer who attacked hospitalized children by injecting them with potassium chloride or insulin. She's now spending the rest of her days in prison.

Katherine Knight

In 2001 this Australian gal stabbed her boyfriend, John Charles Thomas Price, approximately 37 times, skinned him, and then hung her creation in the living room. She also cut off his head and made soup out of it together with veggies, like Italian zucchini. The main reason Katherine made it to my list is the fact that she was going to serve this soup to his beloved children. Good thing she's in prison now.

Queen Mary

Sixteenth century English queen "Bloody Mary" lead the Jihad of her time. She was a Catholic who saw it as her task to turn party-pooper English Protestants back to Catholicism. She burnt more than 300 people and scared the shit out of the rest before dying young from uterine cancer. She probably deserved it. Though it's been historically proven that if God tells you to do his dirty work, it's quite hard to refuse. I assure you that there are more psycho bitches out there for you to discover. This whole notion about women and men being different when it comes to what evil they're capable of is obsolete crap. But let's wrap it up for now with a short Bollywood clip featuring an elegant but aggressive "Velina." Enjoy.