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      Yelping Halloween

      November 2, 2012
      From the column 'The Recent Unpleasantness'

      2 reviews for 119 Haverford Ave.

      (3 Stars) 10/31/12

      I took my kids trick or treating yesterday and the second stop on our route was the Hadley household. Right off the bat, they lose a star for giving out Life Savers. Is this a 6th grade secret santa grab bag? Run out of carob chips? The candy you serve speaks volumes about you as a citizen. And a human being.

      Comment from Linda Hadley of 119 Haverford Ave. 11/1/12 << Hide

      larry you can’t yelp your neighbors houses are you insane

      (1 Star) 10/31/12

      she refused my kids candy and told me to leave property

      Comment from Linda Hadley of 119 Haverford Ave. 11/1/12 << Hide

      you showed up drunk, with stuff from my trash can duct taped to your shirt, and told me you were supposed to be "hurricane sandy." and your kids were both dressed as “mittler youth.”

      4 reviews for 22 Buford Ct.

      (2 Stars) 10/31/12

      The Guntersons did a wonderful job tricking their house out for us trick or treaters :-} Lots of spooky cobwebs and tombstones. My problem is with Jake Gunterson's candy policy. When he saw that my son was costumed as a hobo clown, he told Timmy that he "doesn't do handouts." As we were leaving, however, another child arrived dressed as a California Raisin, and I heard Mr. Gunderson say, "what a delightful Bill Cosby," followed by the distinct sound of Kit Kats falling into a pillowcase.

      Comment from Jake G of 22 Buford Ct. 11/1/12 << Hide

      Prove it.

      (1 Star) 10/31/12

      Like many parents in our neighborhood, I wore my own costume while my two daughters trick or treated. When we got to Jake's house, he said, "Do you really think I'm going to give you anything?" I asked him what he meant. He said, "You're an Obama phone," "No," I calmly explained, "I'm a Motorola clamshell." "Well then, what's that?" he said, pointing down towards my groin. "It's a zero button," I replied, trying hard to keep my cool. Then he called me an expletive I was really hoping my daughters wouldn't have to hear until at least third grade and confiscated my girls' Milk Duds.

      Comment from Jake G of 22 Buford Ct. 11/1/12 << Hide

      Redistribution's not so groovy now, huh?

      (1 Star) 10/31/12

      I was already pretty steamed when me and my kids got to Jake's door. "What's with that yard sign with the word 'Romney' crossed out and '2016' written after 'Ryan'?" I asked. Jake told me it was a free country and he could put any sign he wanted on his lawn. "But you're the chairman of the county GOP," I said. Then I reminded him of all our years working together on the PTA and he begrudgingly gave each of my boys a Saltine.

      Comment from Jake G of 22 Buford Ct. 11/1/12 << Hide

      Your point?

      (1 Star) 10/31/12

      It's me, Bill Levinson, the cell phone guy from earlier. I was pretty frazzled after we left Jake's porch, and I must've dropped my real cell phone, which is a lot nicer than the one I was dressed as. When I went back to the Guntersons lawn, I couldn't help but notice that he'd crossed out several of the names on his fake tombstones and added the names of me, my daughters, my wife (who was at home), and my older daughter Rachel, who lives with my ex-wife in Colorado, meaning I really don't know how Jake would have known about her in the first place. When I went to confront Jake, he told me to get off his porch or he'd "kick me in the O button."

      Comment from Jake G of 22 Buford Ct. 11/1/12 << Hide

      So you admit it's an O.

      Previously - Public Statement by Jerry Sandusky on His Release From Prison, February 2454

      Topics: Sam McPheeters, Halloween, yelp, The Recent Unpleasantness, fuck the guntersons


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